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male
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes: So I'm 19 year old guy and I was in a relationship with a cute girl, she's 17. After a month she dumps me over text. She was even planning for us to go to the gym together.2 weeks later I found out out that she has cheated on me and got in a relationship with that guy (17).I gave her a call so she would know that I know what she has done (in calm voice). Told her that she didn't have to lie and that we could just talk and it would be fine.3 months later she is still in relationship with that guy.I started working out in the gym on regular basis. She goes to the same gym. I know that, we were supposed to go there together. One day, while going to the changing rooms I notice her working out. She immediately notices me, looks at me 2-3 times and moves her look away. I did look at her too, but there was no communication.A week later, after the lifting session, I'm going with my personal trainer to do some crunches and stretching. It's her, 5 m away (like 15 feet). I immediately striked a funny conversation with my trainer. Didn't give her even a look. Passed by her a few times, didn't even say hello to her. Feeling so proud of myself, not giving a **** about someone who betrayed my trust.I didn't post sad or depressing stuff on instagram, just me being happy and enjoying life.Did I act good? How should I behave further on?Also: I lost 8 Kg (17,6 pounds) since we broke up and I do look better. She must have noticed that (all my college friends noticed the positive change in my appearance though).I was really good with her mom, and if I see her mom somewhere in the town, I guess I should be nice to her, and that I shouldn't mention my ex.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2018): Hey, OP here! Thank you for you answers.
I'm not really avoiding conversation with her, neither of us shows signs of wanting one. I'm used to seeing her there. While working out and being very close to her I just mind my own business (it's only during my last 10-15 minutes of training).
I saw her today too, no words, everybody doing their stuff. She was blocking an access to a machine that I was going to use, she did politely just move a bit away when I approached the machine.
Fun part is, when I changed and went for the exit, I noticed that she looked at me for a second or two - I wasn't looking at towards her at all, just headed for the exit.
Probably, it's not like she doesn't care at all haha.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2018): You did very well, but putting too much emphasis on how well you're doing; is a struggling-performance she can see through.
You don't have to speak to her until you feel comfortable doing so. I wouldn't say make a big spectacle that you're ignoring her, or going out of your way to avoid her. She can see through that too!
Your wounds are fresh and your ego is bruised. She chose the other guy. It's not easy to breakup with someone; and you wouldn't have happily given her your permission to dump you for someone else. It's complicated. She's really young, and didn't handle things well. You're older; so you have to handle it better.
Keep up the good work. Keep your head-up and keep moving forward. Shake her out of your mind, and stay focused on your trainer and the workout.
Get used to seeing her at the gym. You're there for your workout; not to exchange glances, or dodge conversation with an ex. Time heals and exes wear-off!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2018): Whatever you do but don't stalk her. Find yourself another nice girl and forget the old one. She cheated on you. She doesn't deserve another thought from you. Kudus for you for trying to imorove your looks. I wish I could do that.
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A
male
reader, N91  +, writes (5 January 2018):
 You're doing well man, both with the breakup and the weight loss.
I have to second honeypies advice that you're not really going out of your way to make her know you're ignoring her. Just do it because you have accepted things are over and you're moving on. She will see you in the gym getting more in shape and that you're doing fine and that will be the hardest thing for her to accept if she realises that she missed out on something.
Just keep as you are, move forwards and don't look back.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (5 January 2018):
 Well done on the weight loss and keeping up with the gym.
You are still focussing on this girl way too much. The opposite of love is INDIFFERENCE. You are not indifferent. You are still obsessed with this girl. She may be "cute", but she is a cheater. If you were to get back with her, you will never be able to trust her again because you already know what she is capable of.
I do understand you want to show her you don't care, but you are trying way too hard and she may well realize what you are doing. In your shoes I would nod in a friendly way if you see her, say "hi" and move on to whatever you were intending to do. Be friendly like nothing happened between you but don't get drawn into any conversations with her. After all, you do have more important stuff to do - like getting fit.
Your best revenge is to be happy. Be happy that you are not with someone who treats you so badly and get on with your life without her.
If you bump into her mum, by all means be friendly. Under no circumstances should you mention your ex (her daughter).
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (4 January 2018):
 I wouldn't go out of my way to snub her. I get that feels good and that you don't owe her crap. Just don't try "too" hard to "pretend" to ignore her. Instead, JUST ignore her.
And yeah, I think you did good. I actually like that you called her out on her cheating. It's a good little "closure" you get when you get to tell someone who hurt you that YOU know THEY SUCK!
Keep up the good work in getting fit. And sure, if you see the mom just say hi, I wouldn't stop and have long conversations but I would be nice and polite.
Your ex is 17, so still pretty immature. She didn't handle things very well. She CHOSE to cheat. And you know what? SHE is the one who has to live with that decision.
Next time, date someone more your own age (yes 2 years doesn't seem like much, but for some it CAN be a bigger gap than you think).
Also, now that you have let her know, that you know. And done fine in not giving her attention at the gym - LET IT GO. Don't GIVE so much thought to what she may think, notice, feel etc... because WHO CARES!! she is an ex who cheated, don't waste another thought on her.
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