A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Dear Cupid,I have been in a relationship for almoust three years now. Yesterday i found out that my boyfriend was planning to cheat on me, meeting a girl for the first time, while he was telling me that he was going to the doctor's with his mother. I found out about this, because i discovered an online dating account of his and couldn't resist the temptation to verify it. I know what i did was wrong but i think this was the only way to find out the truth. I confronted him about this and he didn't say anything, he just left and gathered some of the stuff he had at my place. He called me and sounded quite angry telling me i had to grow up. I suggested that we should meet and talk about this, at least to figure things out, since i do not think i can forgive him for this. Recently he has been very distant with me, and i asked him if he is looking for someone else, maybe because he is bored of the relationship, and he answered that he loves me and he would never do that. Dishonesty is the main reason why i cannot forgive him. And still i love him like crazy, but i think that once forgiven he will do this again. I should mention that before meeting me he used to be quite a ladies man, i thought that was changed about him because he treated me like a princess and only had eyes for me. Also we spent most of the time together. We were very close, helping each other, our parents like eachother, and of course i still love him. Last spring a girl told me that she saw him cheating on me but i didn't believe her since many people tried to hurt our relationship before. Now i am thinking if i did well not to believe her. The question is if i should try to fix the relationship or not. What do you think? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2008): Thank you for the feedback!
A
male
reader, St Augustine  +, writes (24 September 2008):
A bit of analysis here. You fell in love with the guy for whom you find out that he ‘used to be’ ladies man and is suspected of cheating.
What is your exact problem the fact that he was cheating YOU or that you are with the person with this kind of habits???
Think about things strategically instead of focusing on your feelings. There are things you can and you cannot change. It is very hard to change somebody’s system of beliefs. If he thinks it’s cool, there are poor chances you can do something.
I say ask for break and say you need space for yourself and check if he works for it.
Good luck
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 September 2008): If it was me, I'd dump him. Once trust is gone, you've got nothing. If you stay with him it's likely you will continue to have doubts about his honesty. Since he is using on-line dating services he is obviously looking for something- it's not like it "just happened" so it's likely he'll do it again.
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A
female
reader, sugar_sugar +, writes (24 September 2008):
 From everything you have written it doesn't sounds like he particularly cares whether you forgive him or not. From the information provided he doesn't sound remorseful, so I am very confused as to why you are trying to work things out.
You spend quite some time describing how good things used to be, unfortunately for you and for so many other relationships out there - it's unlikely it is ever going to return to how it was.
HE is the one that should be posting on here to win YOU back, to find the best possible ways to beg for your forgiveness.
A relationship without trust is a horrible thing to put yourself through.
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