A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my boy friend for 7 months. We both want to try different things during sex but i dont have any confidence when it comes to my body. Im not very experienced when it comes to sex ( i have never given a head job and sometimes i wish i could) but my boyfriend is. My boyfriend tells me that i dont need to worry because he love me the way iam. But i do worry. Im so in love with my boy friend and everytime we start something i get really stand offish and shy and get out of the mood. My boyfriend has NEVER pressered me into doing anything i dont want to do.. What can i do to to boost my conferdence during sex and fore play?
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male
reader, daletom  +, writes (25 September 2008):
I may get flamed for saying it, but it could be you've rushed to add sex to your relationship before the relationship is really ready for it. Your lack of confidence reflects a belief that maybe you shouldn't be having sex with this guy yet.
On the other hand, sex is a somewhat complicated activity that involves your mind and your emotions as well as your body. Like tennis, long division, or public speaking it takes practice and experience to do it well. Some folks seem to have a natural talent and need only a few words of coaching, while others must fight for feedback and work hard to improve their performance.
Get copies of "Joy of Sex" and "More Joy of Sex". I think these are still in print after almost 40 years, or you can find copies on E-Bay quite inexpensively. These books are organized something like an encyclopedia, with plenty of illustrations and short articles (usually only a paragraph to a page long) about positions, techniques, problems, etc, etc, related to sex. The two of you can go through them together, commenting on what is written or illustrated and finding things you want to try. Or, take a book separately and pass it back and forth, perhaps under the pillow, with little notes like "Let's try pg 275" or "I'm in the minority on pg 83!". It'll take most of a year to really go through them - and by then your tastes and life-situation may have changed enough to make starting from the beginning a good idea.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 September 2008): No one's born with complete confidence. try setting some thing romantic like candles and oils in the bath or have the lights out.
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