A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I've been with my boyfriend for 6 years. I have known for a while that he watches porn, we have watched it together and even bought various sex toys to use with each other. About a year and a half ago, he started using the computer. It took a while for him to start looking at porn sites. But now he spends a lot of time checking out every naked woman he can find on the internet. He has even done this while I am in the house with him, maybe in another room or in the same room. He is not watching it with me nor talking to me while he is looking at it. He just sits and stares at the computer images while ignoring me. I have tried to talk to him several times about this, how it makes me feel bad or ignored. He states that he cares but he does nothing to make me feel that he does. He still looks at the porn, occasionally when I am around. He also has joined sites which I have found out about. He always lies about looking at the sites, joining the sites even when I have found the site emails with his personal info. He won't admit that he has ever lied about it, just states that he has done nothing, not joined any, not lied about it. If he doesn't care at all about my feelings, either about the porn or the lying, especially the lying, what am I supposed to do? He wants to act like everything is just rosy and it is not to me, I don't trust him or believe him anymore. I think that being able to trust him is very necessary and I don't feel like I can. I don't know how to handle this or my feelings about it anymore.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 September 2008): He sounds very insensitive! Maybe he has become addicted to it? Porn has a tendency to become problematic, it's something that has to be kept under strict control if you want to avoid it ruining your relationship (for men anyway, I've never met a woman who was addicted, I guess we are able to watch it without losing sight of what's important...)
Tell him that if he doesn't stop ignoring you for porn, you'll send his ass to therapy or you'll leave him. Porn isn't possible THAT enrapturing that he can't tear his eyes from it to look at you, can it? Has he found the ultimate of all porn or something? Has he been brainwashed? Jeez!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 September 2008): I am so sorry to hear yet another broken heart, this is a problem that did't exist 15 years ago, but is becoming frighteningly common now. I am sorry you are caught up in it. People understand when a spouse leaves because of a drug addiction or an alcohol problem but they cannot understand why you would want to leave over porn. I say there is no greater hell and torment than to live with forced celibacy while lying next to the one you love and desire. I lived through it, it was pure hell. I feel your pain of being passed over for pixels. Here's even more bad news, it's a hard habit to break! There are websites dedicated to helping addicts, however, nothing will work unless HE wants it to, your wanting for change does nothing for him..I hope he wakes up from his porn haze before you walk out on him.
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A
female
reader, breathless  +, writes (24 September 2008):
im sorry to read that your husband shows you so much disrespect and constantly lies and deceives you,since you have already confronted him and he denies this i have to say he is an addict in denial,and needs help thats if he wants it,if not then i can only say maybe your marriage is over and he is afraid to say so its an easy way out,typical male behaviour from my experiences
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