A
female
age
41-50,
*tarsailor
writes:I've been on a few dates with this really nice sweet guy but I've decided now that I just don't feel anything for him! He still keeps texting me but I don't know how to break it off- whether to be honest and explain that I just don't feel a spark or whether to act a bit cool and hope that he will get the message. The problem is I feel a bit guilty as he has taken me for a few nice meals and even given me some gifts recently so i know that he likes me..... How can I end it nicely????
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 October 2008): Hi there. I agree with all the below Aunts. Please be honest with him. Don't play it cool. It would be pretty disrespectfulk, not to mention ..painful to put him through that. In my opinion, I feel that a relationship really needs two fully committed people, so if one of you doesn't want to be in the relationship any more, it's best for 'both' of you to end it. That's the key message to get across to him. You are both young and you will date many more people in the future. So we know he will move on after a recovery period and he will find someone a bit more suited for him. So yes, please be honest with him. As much as people sometimes hate that kind of honesty, they do inevitably respect it. From my past dating experiences, I have found that men don't like the process of breaking up if they care about the woman, but they really, really respect this type of truthfulness.
So I have to ask you. Why do you feel guilty? It doesn't matter if he gave you things. These were his choices to do so. And that usually is par for the course when one is courting a new female. Now about his feelings, which will likely be sad. How he reacts to the hurt and feelings of dejection are part of the process. You can't be responsible for his feelings. That's his responsibility. People break up globally, they learn from an experience such as this and they recover and move on. This fellow knows dating is risky and it's a huge selection process. This is what dating is all about--learning about other people and finding out who we want and what we want out of love relationships. You both need to live life, have fun, explore new dating situations. So If you are no longer interested...realize it's never easy but it can be done cleanly and with kindness, maturity and compassion. You should do it, in a way that you can both move on with your lives and find someone better suited for you both. Breaking up isn't aboutt blaming nor finding fault. It's about you both being able to find "closure" to this relationship so you both are able to then move on to new ones.
Don't expect him to want to remain friends and don't offer to even put him that dreaded 'zone'. Gosh, guys find that so patronizing. He likely will be feeling sad and if he has feelings for you, why be his friend, right now? He will need time to recover. If he gets a bit "sour"..handle that with strength and hold your ground. Make sure you sit down face to face somewhere quiet. Never break up over the phone or via email, that's completely unfair. A relationship, new or old, is always based on respect and dependability-don't prove you're unworthy of that in the final hour. Sit down and explain it's not going to work. If your bf has questions, answer them as fairly as you can, but without going into lots of minor details. Good luck and remember....the sooner you do it...the sooner he can heal from this and move on with his life. Good luck to you both and I wish you both well, in the future and whatever happiness you find with others. .
A
female
reader, sadeyes +, writes (12 October 2008):
Please be honest with this guy,the same thing is being DONE to me at the moment,we met,we dated,got on great,I would actually say he was more the chaser of me,now he has stopped calling,teting etc,although he did text me out the blue a couple of days ago saying he missed me etc etc ,but this is all unfair it only hurts more,as every time i receive correspondence fom him it builds my hopes up
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A
female
reader, dearkelja  +, writes (12 October 2008):
 Having been in this position, on the other side, I will tell you that being honest is much kinder and hurts less than stringing him along or not being responsive at all.
You don't need to give him a reason just simply tell him that you have enjoyed getting to know him and thank him for his companionship and the dinner/gifts but tell him that he is not right for you and you do not wish to see him again. I am not sure being friends is such a good thing at this point as it may give him a false sense of hope.
Honesty is best and the sooner the better. Just think about how you would like to be treated.
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A
female
reader, hlskitten +, writes (12 October 2008):
 Tricky one isn't it! Not sure, he might take the hint if you stop txting him etc, but its probably not the kindest way either. Tough as it will be, its better to be honest and say you dont feel the spark. Dont end up 10 months with someone like I did yrs ago, it just makes it worse when you do it!
C xxxxxx
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A
female
reader, starfairy +, writes (12 October 2008):
 Tell him you think he's great and maybe you could be friends, but just be honest and tell him you're not feeling it. If you play it cool with him, that'll hurt him more when he realises why you're acting off with him.
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