A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Im 29 years old and really want a baby. However, im single. Ive wanted children for a few years but it wasnt until i had an unplanned pregnancy with my boyfriend at the time just over a year ago and miscarried that the urge for children has gotten so much stronger.Anyway, im trying to decide whether or not to make the decision to become a single mother by choice in the near (ish) future.I currently live with my parents, but am hoping to buy a home in the next 6 months, I own my own car, have been to university (late in life as rebelled a bit in my teenage years and thought i knew best of course!), and i now have a good career with very good pay. I would be able to support myself and a child quite easily by only working 3 days a week after it turns 6 months. (until then i would stay at home).However, I do not want to be making this decision for the wrong reasons. I have contemplated them all in the last year but its so difficult to self-analyse as u can talk yourself out of or into anything if u really want to!!Am i wanting a child to replace the one i lost? Am i wanting something to love and love me back? Am i being selfish in deciding to deny my child a father? But could that be better than bringing a child into a broken home? Would my child have been any better off if born to my ex who wanted nothing to do with it?Its very difficult to think about all these things. I have read so many things for and against single mothers by choice. Its much easier to feel for and agree with older women who make this choice as their time is running out. However i still have time, but i owuld ideally like to have more than one child in my future.I would be looking to start artificial insemination treatment (if i did) a year from now when i will be 30. It can take a while to concieve so i'd be almost 31 or older when giving birth.I am not asking this as i feel i need approval from anyone (least of all strangers - as some people feel the need to say if u need to ask dont do it!), but i genuinely would just like to hear opinions for or against as it might help me answer my own questions in my head.Many Thanks
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2010): i have just found out i'm six weeks pregnant with my first child and i am single - okay i would define myself as a single mother to be by choice because if i was sensible i might consider abortion or adoption (considering there is no baby daddy in the picture) but i couldn't do either. Baby daddy does know but at this moment in time wants nothing to do with us - so single parenthood looms for me. However selfish it may be, I want this baby. I've got my degree, i have a good support network and i am working - its not prefect my life and having a baby is going to make it harder and screw it up a little but i think we'll be fine. I think there is nothing wrong with being a single mother by choice but i would suggest involuing the dad if you can and if not, be honest to the kid about it without beating the dad up verbally. My friend's mum told him his father was dead growing up and when he found out different, it was a big slap in the face for him - even now aged 28 he has major issues with both parents and has deep trust issues with people. Be honest if you are gonna go down this rout and trust that you can do it - will be a good enough parent regardless of singleness :)
A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (8 January 2010):
Pinktopaz is right. There are plenty of women who no doubt want children, and there are plenty who do brilliantly raising a child by themselves (better to have no father involved that a rubbish one). All I can say is you have to do what you want, and that if you do go ahead, make sure there are some good male role models so that your child at least has an understanding of men (teachers, sports clubs and such, maybe male relatives if you have them)., Good luck!
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A
female
reader, pinktopaz  +, writes (8 January 2010):
Regardless if it's to replace a lost child, I think all women (or at least most) want to have children. I think it's just natural and there's nothing wrong with you wanting to go about with what you want to do. I don't think there's anything wrong with being a single mother, there's many women out there that have to play the mother AND father role and their children turn out just fine. But I think you know what you want and once you get your home and everything going you should proceed.
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