A
female
age
41-50,
*iff1477
writes:HELP!! I'm a 31 year old woman driving myself MAD!! I've been with my fella for 8 months now and we live 50 miles apart so see each other most weekends... my sex drive is way high and all I want to do is *well-you know* when we get time together, problem is he never asks for it, never makes amove and this last weekend I had sex once.... for 5 minutes!?!? I love him to bits and am worried either I'm doing something wrong OR he's just not interested... but he's the one who arranges to see me and tells me he loves me all the time??!! Advice please I'm confused people :o/
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female
reader, tiff1477 +, writes (22 April 2009):
tiff1477 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for that advice. I love him more than anything and don't want to lose him. I guess its just me being paranoid. I shall talk with him at weekend and make him see that it isn't actually a big deal to me, I thnk its cos I'm used to fuys just wanting it?!? If that makes sense?! I've a lot of learning to do. Thanks everybody for all your help. Xxxxxxxxxx
A
male
reader, fuglyone  +, writes (22 April 2009):
 Sex doesn't always mean something. In fact, it might mean nothing. Talk to him and ask him in a non-pressuring kind of way. If you love him then I would think that you can look past this hiccup. If you love sex more, go find someone else who does too. There are plenty of blokes where that one came from.
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 April 2009): I know I know! I felt the EXACT same way! I have a suggestion though. If its in your budget maybe plan a suprise romantic getaway for the two of you one of the weekends he comes there. You know like secluded cabin, jacuzzi tub, candles, new nighties... That way you are mixing the romance with the sex. And it's more of a display of your feelings for him.
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female
reader, tiff1477 +, writes (20 April 2009):
tiff1477 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYes-i agree! I love him so much, and the cuddles all the time and just holding me is great. I definately don't want to lose him-im just paranoid about me I suppose. I know on the other end of the scale I'd be annoyed if he wanted it constantly too! But I just can't help feeling undesirable to him. I think its as I've never had this response from a boyfriend-its new to me and I don't know what to think? If I'm making any sense its a bloody miracle! What I'm trying to say is I want him to find me sexy and not be able to keep his hands off me-like the way he makes me feel just looking at him.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2009): You know I was recently in a relationship that was similar. We lived pretty far apart and due to work schedules and such we could only see each other weekends. And the same thing where he never seemed to want to have sex. I have a pretty high sex drive and was like "what the heck?" Everything from cheating to him not wanting to be involved anymore went through my mind. He told me all the time that he was in love with me, always made sure to drive to my place on weekends etc. I didnt get it. I over analyzed it and obsessed over it to the point where my paranoia affected the relationship. It was only after it ended that I realized, he didnt want me to think that all we would do with each other was sex. And he was a very passionate, loving man. Content to just hold me and run his hands through my hair while we talked. And I ruined that because I wanted sex. LOL. I was in love with this man also and have now lost him. Would give anything to have him hold me and run his hands through my hair. All I am saying is learn from my mistake. If you love him and really want to be with him then dont be too paranoid. Try and see his point of view before jumping to conclusions. Good luck!...J
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female
reader, tiff1477 +, writes (20 April 2009):
tiff1477 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks guys-its nothing out of sorts, he's generally always been like this. I'm thinking armywife may be onto something though as I'd never really thought about it until now-he hardly really lasts too long.....and I'm always thinking that we've been together only 8 mths surely we should be at it like rabbits?!? I'll have to do something quick though because my energy is sapped :o( I'll let you know how it goes after weekend xxx
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2009): well... you said it was only five minutes.. maybe the poblem is him? Maybe he can't last very long and he feels insecure about it so he just doesn't get involved that way and when you ask him about it, he is too embarassed to tell you that.
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female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (20 April 2009):
Well if you have talked to him about it and he won't even accept that you aren't happy then something may very well be wrong.
It's all very well saying "nothing is wrong" but something is wrong: you aren't happy.
If he has been like this from the start then it could well be that he has a low sex drive naturally and this is just about as much as he can handle.
If this has been a sudden change then you HAVE to get him to open up about it. Threaten him with everything you want to get him to give you a reason.
Other than that you just have to decide if this is enough to be worth breaking up over. I don't think I could stay in a relationship with no sex. You'd just be friends!
I think you need to give this one more big chance. Talk to him this weekend and tell him you feel rejected and unattractive. If he says that nothing is wrong, then just tell him that if he thinks that then he must just not give a crap about you and he should go home.
Let him know you are seriously unhappy.
If he still won't even put in a bit more effort then you have to ask if you think he's worth it.
Good Luck!! xx
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female
reader, tiff1477 +, writes (20 April 2009):
tiff1477 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks emily-i have mentioned it-alot....and the answer is always the same 'nothings wrong, I love you' , maybe it is just me I don't know. but, yeah-weve discussed moving in together and its in the early planning stages but fingers crossed! I suppose I've posted my question on here as I've never felt so unsexy, unconfident and well ugly I suppose. You know this 'womens intuition' we get? Well I'm getting it-daily! Somethings not right, and I need to know why some men are maybe this way?
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female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (20 April 2009):
I think you need to tell him these worries and not us.
Ask him why he doesn't want you any more and explain that it makes you feel like he doesn't love you.
Ask him if he's stressed and why he doesn't seem to want you so much.
50 miles isn't that far, is there no way you could consider moving in together some where in the middle?
Good Luck!! xx
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female
reader, tiff1477 +, writes (20 April 2009):
tiff1477 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you! Finally somebody agrees with me! I know everyone has a different sex drive-but bear in mind I'm in early 30s and he's 24???? I (presumed) most-if not-all men especially of that age wanted to have sex?! I'm not being seedy or anything-im not constantly wanting it, but the distance between us makes me look forward to seeing him, and naturally I want intimate time too....I've tried to just go with the flow, but its just upsetting me now...I've mentioned it to him and he says nothing is wrong?!? Am I being paranoid over nothing?
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male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (20 April 2009):
 Something seems to be the matter, but I am not sure what. His behavior is not what I would expect, but I can't tell you why he acts like that.
Maybe he's not interested anymore, but let's not rush to conclusions.
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