A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've been with my boyfriend for 6 months, he really is great, he works hard and is genuinely a good person. I struggle with jealously issues though, he works with a girl he used to like but she was a bit of a player and went with loads of guys so he never got with her, although i found photos of her on his pc they wernt naked though and were (from before we were together) but he hadnt deleted themShes constantly leaving him messages on facebook on his wall leaving him funny youtube videos and anytime he writes a status she comments straight away, it makes me feel so jealous and i know its lame because its facebook!! and theres more to life but he uploaded a photo of her yesterday that he'd edited to make her look silly with a hat on, hes never once posted about me or uploaded any photos of us together and it just makes me feel insecure? I dont mind that he has friends but it just infiltrates me that shes so in his face, we all went to a convention together before, and they spent the whole time chatting I felt really left out, he asked me afterwards what was wrong and I explained and he said he just felt like I made no effort to speak which I kinda didnt because they were talking about work and I didnt know what to say. She texts him "inside" jokes all the time that I dont understand because i dont work there and i dont know what they joke about shes even called him when weve been together and it just bugs me.I try to talk to him about bits of it (not facebook) cause he already thinks im ridiculous for being jealous as he says he loves me and if he wanted to be with anyone else he would be, but hes happy with me, he says it hurts his feelings that id doubt that he wants me... but I cant help it, how can I stop being like this?
View related questions:
facebook, insecure, jealous, player, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, CattyCat +, writes (18 March 2015):
 Stop tip toeing around the subject, only discussing "bits". If you want, show him this message right here. Or just tell him in your own words.
Tell him, if you love me, you need to love all of me, that means my insecurities too. Because I love every part of you. And you can't see that what's happening is hurting me. I never said you liked her, I said I don't like what she's doing to you. I trust that you won't do anything, but it's not stopping her from trying. At the convention I didn't speak because what could I say? I don't work in the same place as you, and you never bothered to include me. On facebook, I don't see you uploading pictures of us or a funny picture of me or anything remotely like that. At the end of the day, if she's just a friend, why invest so much effort into her? It's not needed. A friend is a friend, they're there whenever. A girlfriend however, that's where most of your effort should go. Tell him he's confusing the two and if he thinks for one second, you should still just be okay with it after saying all that, tell him, well I hope you're okay with little effort too because I need some space. And go.
Because if he thinks after telling him EVERYTHING, that there's still nothing wrong, and that you should still be okay with this, then he's a fcuking idiot and you should put some space there to get some perspective and hopefully he has a think too.
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (18 March 2015):
 He needs to be explained why you are jealous. Some men really think that as long as they are officially calling you girlfriend then they can do anything outside as long as it doesn't involve physical cheating. In some conservative cultures there are men who justifies cheating, saying if they come home to their wives it means they love them.
It's true that there are always people more beautiful than us, but don't we want to be treated as special princesses, that in his eyes you are the best?
You have to tell him, how does he feel if you talk to guys on face book, that you went with a male friend to a convention and just talk about things you know. And how would he feel if you are still in contact with an ex FWB, joking around? How would he like it to see a naked picture of you two?
This is not something that has to be talked about, but I guess with a young guy you have to teach him how to have a relationship.
...............................
|
