A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am 19 and my fiancee is 25 we ave a 6 month old son, Our relationship began when we mt at work and at the time i was still honing over my first love whom i had been tryin to get back with for 2 years, so when he told me he loved me i think i was so desperate to feel loved again that i convinced myself that i loved him too, we've been together 2 years now and we have a son, it has always been in the back of mind but i was too afriaid to admit it but i am not in love him nor am i physically attracted to him. I do love him because he is the father of my child and he has always been great to me and our son. but i finally realized when i was pregnant that i do not love him like i loved my ex, it's more that i loved him only because he loved me. At the time it seemed way to risky to leave him and still feels that way, he is good to me and i don't want to leave him and be stuck alone or with bad men for the rest of my life, but i am also on the verge of cheating because i am not attracted to him which makes sex feel like a chore and no matter what i try nothng is helping, i have told him hat i am not in lov with him but he loves me so much he is willing to accept it and stay together, I don't kno if i willing to do the same, I am happy but i know i could be happier at first i thought i could just accept it and get married anyway because he is a good man who deserves a good woman, but i'm not sure how long a marriage like that will last, but i'm afraid to leave and be alone, it is hard to find a man when u r a mother. Do i stay with a good man who i can't truly love? Or leave and risk going back to dating jerks and dogs?
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female
reader, vamp-gal  +, writes (16 October 2010):
 Hey,
He's saying he doesn't mind if you don't love him, he's willing to make the relationship work but, it's not fair on either of you to do that. You both deserve someone who loves you, and in this relationship neither of you are going to find that.
Cerbeus_Raphael may be right, you may be comparing him to your ex too much so maybe you need to take a break from relationships to find out what you really want now, before you may have thought you knew however, now you have a baby as well and your decisions effect him as much as yourself.
Growing up in an environment where your parents don't love each other may be difficult and this has to be taken into account as well.
If it's not working then that's just the way it is, you can't choose who you fall in love with, no matter how much you try. Being in a relationship with someone shouldn't be a chore, it should be something you really want and no matter what you're happy.
But right now, you don't seem happy. And that's not fair to you, your fiancee or your son.
It's good that you told him your feelings though, I do credit you for that, you've been open and honest and he now knows so you're not stringing him along.
I think you and your finacee should sit and talk very hard about this decision, it affects your lives in a dramatic way. Does he want to be in a marriage where his feelings aren't reciprocated. Make sure he knows these things and then come to a decision on what you BOTH want to do. If one of you doesn't want this then it won't work.
Hope this helps x
A
male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (15 October 2010):
 Well I am glad he decided to stay with you and I am glad you told him the truth. You know that you have found a good man who loves you, something about this just does not seem right. I understand why you do not want to be alone and I understand why you would want to cheat but, since you are already married, have you tried dating each other? I know it seems rather pointless but, at this point, what do you have to lose except perhaps a day or an evening.
Right now, what you are doing is comparing him to your ex and how much you loved your ex. You have to stop comparing him and just try to find a way to give him a real chance with you. I wish I could be of more help.
I hope that helps.
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A
male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael +, writes (15 October 2010):
Well I am glad he decided to stay with you and I am glad you told him the truth. You know that you have found a good man who loves you, something about this just does not seem right. I understand why you do not want to be alone and I understand why you would want to cheat but, since you are already married, have you tried dating each other? I know it seems rather pointless but, at this point, what do you have to lose except perhaps a day or an evening.
Right now, what you are doing is comparing him to your ex and how much you loved your ex. You have to stop comparing him and just try to find a way to give him a real chance with you. I wish I could be of more help.
I hope that helps.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 October 2010): If you stay you will be miserable. I divorced when my daughter was a baby and never had trouble meeting nice guys.
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