A
male
age
,
anonymous
writes:I work at a private school. There are rules of conduct for the staff. One of the rules is relationships are not permitted between staff. I am very attracted to a co worker and I can tell she has a serious interest in me. I know why these rules are in place, but I'm not a kid and neither is this woman. We've worked at the same school for 20 years. I'm divorced and she was never married. I want to ask her out, but I don't want to put our jobs in jeopardy. I don't want to have to sneak around and I don't not want to have the opportunity to date her. My question here is , if we just go out on a date here and there, would that be what they call a relationship? Would dating be the cause of possible termination? We are both single, free and able to date, not like we're cheating on spouses or wanting to hide. What kind of bothers me is we have a married couple, both teachers in our school. That's a relationship and not a word about it to them, why because their married? Should I put the rules of conduct aside and just ask this woman out.? Our boss is not very receptive to either one of us without even mentioning dating, we are not in their little click of stuck up snobs.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (23 February 2013):
 I had a married couple teaching me in 6th grade...they both taught math... I still remember them... wow.... just reading this brought it back.
you are in a pickle aren't you. if you signed a contract that said you will abide by the rules of the place of employment as did she and you break those rules you could both get fired.
I'm sorry that the rule is in place, it does seem rather controlling to me but it's their right to make those rules.
Do the clearly define relationship? or is it just "relationship" because if it's NOT clearly defined, they could terminate you for having a single cup of coffee together couldn't they? ugh.
can one of you find a new place to work?
I'm loathe to tell you to break employment contract rules...
maybe consulting an attorney who specializes in contracts such as this would give you insight into how much you could get away with....
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2013): Well you know the company policy. They don't want dating between co-workers.
Just beware that you are putting both your jobs at risk and you both have worked there a very long time. I'm sure you have accumulated vacation time and benefits over the years. Are you sure you want to risk all of that?
The way the current economy is I wouldn't want to risk giving up my job and then, yes, you do have to think about the age bracket you are in.
Age discrimination is out there in the workplace if you had to look for another job.
I'd rather have the security of my job.
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A
male
reader, TrancedRhythmEar  +, writes (23 February 2013):
 Do it. I feel u man just be sure to hide it at work n don't do the typical happy hour with co workers. Anything can happen in those scenarios n u don't wanna risk getting caught.
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A
male
reader, TrancedRhythmEar +, writes (23 February 2013):
Do it. I feel for you man.Just be sure to hide it at work.And don't do the typical happy hour with co workers. Anything can happen in those scenarios and you don't want to risk getting caught.
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A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (23 February 2013):
Hi there. It can be a frustrating rule that some organisations have, to not allow dating between staff members.
The married couple who also work at this private school, is a little different in that because they are both teachers, there is only one teacher teaching any class at any one time, isn't there?
So this means there is much less chance of problems if they had an argument at home.
Because they are not actually working together side by side, if you follow me here.
It sounds like you and your lady friend do work in the same office, which means you are together all day long, practically side by side almost.
And that's a whole different ball game.
Just supposing you were to start dating, and then outside of working hours, you had some kind of disagreement, it would almost certainly carry over into the work environment the very next day, causing all kinds of tensions in the office - for everyone.
And that makes for some very uncomfortable situations during the day.
And not to mention, it would affect your work and this other lady's work during the day, as well.
So it would make you both work much less efficiently, generally speaking, if there were any tensions at all between you.
So I really believe that this is what they are referring to when they say "No Dating" between staff members.
And you and this lady friend obviously don't want to jeopardize your jobs, because other jobs aren't always to easy to come by.
And even dating every so often - like, say once every so many weeks - is still dating, because you are still working together, so you are seeing each other every day anyway.
So it's no different really, than dating twice a week.
I don't think there is any easy solution to this problem, so I guess it comes down to what is most important to you both.
To have some kind of relationship with each other, or to keep your jobs?
No matter how much you tried to hide the fact, there would be some way it would accidentally come out, even in conversation, I suppose.
You would start acting differently towards each other - perhaps flirtatiously - some signs that you were much closer than you used to be.
It's pretty hard to hide something like that.
It is virtually impossible.
At the very least, you can't be seen to be leaving together from work at the end of the day, and obviously going out somewhere together after work.
It would only take one person to be out somewhere shopping, and see the two of you at a cafe and being rather cosy with each other.
Or else, someone going out in the night time and walking past a restaurant and see you both sitting in there together, having a nice happy time.
And then they pass it on, and before you know it, the whole school knows!
Unfortunately, you never know who is watching you.
It's extremely hard to hide the truth from anyone.
Perhaps one of you could go and see the other at their house outside of work hours in the night, and talk to each other and see what ideas you can come up with.
It just means you have to be very very careful that's all.
The only other option is, for one of you to leave there.
But then, what if it doesn't work out and you find you haven't go as much in common as you first thought?
So that would be the downside to taking that path.
It does require a lot of careful thinking between you both.
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