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age
26-29,
anonymous
writes: I've had hard experiences growing up and living with my parents as I am currently still doing. I unfortunately have no where to go and no money to leave. I am also finding out that some of my 'friends' were not the people I thought they were but have become closer to others.I was abused physically as a child numerous times and by varying degrees and have been emotionally and mentally abused all of my life. I have been called all sorts of things by my father who's existence I despise. My mother tries to shield me from what she can, but that is not much since she is the bread winner and gone for most of the day. We can't leave because we don't have the money. My father is an angry a**hole, and I am usually at the front of his anger.He's caused me to cry numerous times, but one of the most recent left me emotionally unstable for a few days and I had no one I could talk to. My friends respond with "it's okay", "tough it out", and they try to brush over it when I am depressed like that, even though its not often. I am always there for them, but its like they are never there for me, and they judge me behind my back.I have started to develop some feelings for this one teacher, it's wrong and all that I KNOW. Regardless, that's what's happening in my life right now. As for the immediate age gap thing I've never been comfortable with people my own age, I talk to people older than me much better and have been confused for up to a thirty-year-old sometimes. By looks up to 25.Well I was an emotional wreck after one very big blow-out with my father, I ended up running away from my third class because I couldn't handle what they were talking about. He saw me and let me in on his lunch, I looked depressed. He sat with me as I had a breakdown. Normally I don't cry in front of other people, but I couldn't stop my tears. He stayed there and sat with me, trying to comfort me, to be there for me, and to talk me through this. We spent almost three hours alone in a room together as he calmed me down, complimented me constantly, and made me laugh, and when he did he said, "Trouble, there's that pretty smile again".He's always had a soft spot for me, I know this and it's quite obvious. It's been noted by a few close friends of mine that he's not really like a teacher when I talk to him. He always has pet names for me and I call him by a few, or by the short form of his first name which he likes. I've never been much for formality with people I'm comfortable around. He once told me he can't see me cry, that my pain always makes him want to come help me. I always talk to him as a friend.He's rude with me sometimes, but jokingly, he's flirtatious, he talks to other teachers about me. He's always there when I need him, and checks up on me to see if I'm fine. He's randomly come to find me a few times at lunch to chat or see how I'm doing. Once he was all upset that he hadn't found me at lunch but had looked for me everywhere to just see how my day was.He's let me in to his life many times before, but in those three hours he shared a lot more about his past with me and that he completely gets what I'm going through because he went through abuse growing up too. I know a lot about him, and he's a lot like me personality and interest-wise. He's bent the rules for me a few times, but nothing major. He's just covered for me when I miss class to get tutoring for a subject. It's technically against the rules but it's the only time I can get help and he knows it.He also acts like my cheerleader sometimes. He's one of the few people who believe in me, and would always compliment me even from before. I bake a lot, and even though that gets me in to trouble with my father, a lot, I still go through with it because its something I love. I bring food to team practices and school events and he always gets some from me. It was funny when he started saying how he had gotten addicted to my icing, he seriously said he has had a few dreams with my icing in them. He brags about how he prefers my food to other people, about how I'm his "from scratch baker-girl" and his "mad-scientist".I feel comfortable with him, he's my ex-teacher and single, he jokes about it a lot with me. I don't know what to do, think, or feel, I'm just really confused and feeling alone right now. I'd rather people don't judge me too harshly. I know it's maybe wrong and strange, but it's how I feel.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2013): OP here. A big thank you to franny1297 and iAmHereToHelpYou for answering my question. Unfortunately no, there is no other place I can go. My family is very broken and my grandma took in my two cousins, she can't take me and my brother in as well. My father's side is just as bad as him, if not worse sometimes. As for my friends, I know for a fact that one of them has been through the same thing, she cried to me for support constantly until things got better. They simply are never there for me when I need them, but I'm expected to help with every one of their problems even if its out of my hands whether it be school work, problems with the school, or having me try to sweet talk some teachers into letting them do stuff or to get them out of trouble.Therapy is just not an option, I have no way to get any. I have no money, no health insurance, and no way to get there. As for my school counselors they are on vacation for the rest of the school year and the office is closed.I've looked since I was ten years old for shelters but for me its at least a two hour walk to the nearest one, if not more, and the bus doesn't run by there. As for the teacher, oh hell I've tried. Its not easy, but I am trying. It's not my fault, its not like he rejects me neither, but I am going to do my best to get over him. Avoiding him is would not an option seeing as a) he comes to find me randomly,b) my friends are in his class, c) Sometimes I help out with teaching one of his classes of a younger grade, and d) he's now my coach too.Wish me luck, and thanks again for taking the time to help me out. I'm sorry if my situation is depressing, but I think that talking about it like this makes me feel a bit better.
A
female
reader, franny1297  +, writes (21 February 2013):
 Hi, it's alright i feel your pain, im being emotionally and physically abused too, im 13. Your teacher sounds very nice and understanding, as he's gone through the same expieriance as you. The reason why you are now starting to develop feelings for your teacher is because, your dad has been abusive and you've never really recived the kind of playful fatherly kind of love as a child. Now you've finally found someone(who is a male)to look up to, and because you are a teen like me, your hormones are falling for anyone and they just don't care. I had feelings for a young teacher too for the same reason, but he left the school and took me a long time to get over him.By the sound of it you teacher sees you as a daughter, and that's sweet, however feelings you have for your teacher you MUST know where to draw the line for both of you, and you MUST know when things are getting out of hand. DON'T act on your feelings for the teacher because you are putting his career at risk (i know you know this im just reminding). Like him all you want, just don't let you feeling get in the way of anything. An advantage is that you have your most trusted teacher now and you can tell him anything, he knows how you feel and i know how you feel too. And as for the baking, keep it up! who cares what your so called dad says! it's your passion, then let it be! Good Luck!!!!
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