A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Well I must be confused as on a website asking this.Any advice would be greatly appreciated..Here's the main problem.I’ve been with my boyfriend for almost 2 years (and have since moved in with) I started dating him after a really bad patch in my life and he was there for me and became the hand to pick me up. So I started dating him because I felt I needed him and he loved me and was genuinely a good guy. ..But I don’t love him and I don’t know if I ever will. Meanwhile I have a friend who I have known for years we have almost started a relationship twice now but something always got in the way. Then 4 months ago he kissed me and told me he likes me, I like him too and have for ages, we've kissed a few times since but nothing more. I cant stop thinking about him and the fact he is moving away in 2 months, he has told me to break up with my boyfriend as I‘m unhappy and we can have a long distant relationship. I guess my question is what do I do.. I care for my boyfriend but just as a friend, while the other guy is the one I have feelings for. Do I stay with my boyfriend and just stay in a safe grey area or do I start something with my friend and have a chance at something real even though it will be long distant. Help!
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female
reader, PsyCookie  +, writes (22 August 2008):
 This is indeed a hard situation you're on with. It's like being between a sword and a rock.
I think what you could do is to dump your boyfriend. Although this may be a happy relationship, it's practically one-sided, and that's not fair for him at all. Tell him your feelings for him have changed and that you wish to seek other people. DON'T TELL HIM THE TYPICAL "IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT, IT'S MINE" thing because HE WON'T BELIEVE YOU.
Tell him, if you want, that you still wish to remain to be friends because he's such a wonderful person and that you cannot see yourself without his company. Tell him he's always been a great person to you. If he wishes some space, give it to him. He deserves it.
After you and your boyfriend have separated, wait a couple of months to tell him you're in a relationship. The reason is because it might hurt him so very much when he finds out you got into a relationship a week after the two of you broke up. He might feel used, hurt, and will get lower self esteem. I think this will be easy since it will be a long distance relationship.
You need happiness in your life, so you have to seek it. Yes, some people might get hurt in the process, but it's something you can't help it and probably never wished to happen. As long as you don't enjoy the sufferment from others, you won't be a bad person.
Good luck.
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