A
female
age
41-50,
*enahcoco
writes:I have been dating my boyfriend for 6 months. It is a pretty serious relationship and have both told each other we love one another.He lives and works long hours in the city and I live about a half hour away. Usually during the week I will drive in perhaps once but he works till about 11pm every night so it is difficult. My boyfriend has a beach house and every weekend we go out there to spend time with one another. The problem is that about 3 weekends out of four his best friend comes with us. It is very strange to me as it makes it very difficult to get close to him with the friend always around. For example this past weekend the three of us drove out to the house together, had lunch together, layed out in the sun together, then the boys did yoga together on the deck for an hour (while I watched movie inside), on Sunday they sat at the dining room table for over 4 hours working on their laptops across from each other while I tried to busy myself with other things. They also share meals at restaurants. My boyfriend and his best friend work together so not only do they see each other every day and sometimes dinner at night but now the weekends too. All of my friends think he may be gay but I just think they have a strange co dependence issue. When I argue about the situation with my boyfriend he gets defensive and says "He is my best friend! He is like my brother! I am not going to shut him out of my life or close my home to him!" Last night I told him I can't take it any more and that it is too weird for me at this point. He told me that I am the most important thing in his life but he just doesnt want to be one of those people who meet a girl and then forget about their friends. He says he is having trouble "balancing" us both. Please help. I don't know what to do anymore and just feel immense anger at him all the time.
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female
reader, lenahcoco +, writes (25 August 2008):
lenahcoco is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHaHa! That is an AWESOME idea! I think the situation may be turning around a bit actually. We threw a birthday party for my boyfriend on Saturday at his beach house and most of his friends came but his best friend did not. It was very weird and to be honest I like his best friend as he is quite fun so I kept wondering where he was etc. I found out Sunday that the reason he didnt come was because my boyfriend had asked him the weekend before to make alternate dinner plans as he wanted to take me out to dinner solo. Well I guess this upset his friend and he decided not to come to party.My boyfriend is very hurt and now I think he is starting to see that this is someone who is very jealous and not happy for him. So they need to figure this out for themselves. I think they will always be friends as they work together (bestie is headtrader at boyfriends firm) and in a sense is his boss, but I think it may have helped boyriend put things into perspective. Even I am not that dramatic and catty! LOL
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2008): Wow I never thought of that! I guess if he went solo then after a few days he'd get fed up and start to miss you loads! If you want "alone time" with him then make a saucy gesture that he cant resist! lol =]
Guys love guys but there IN LOVE with girls!
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A
female
reader, lenahcoco +, writes (20 August 2008):
lenahcoco is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you Phoebe! I have to say I feel a little better knowing that someone else is in the same situation. I actually have invited my friend once but it was a little disasterous. Also, I guess my main issue is that I want "alone time" with him. Although I do like the idea of leaving him out so he knows how it feels...or else he may really enjoy that Im doing my own thing so he can be with his bestie solo!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2008): I no what you mean! My boyfriend cant stand it when his bestfriend isnt there and we rarely have a few days together! I always feel left out and that I come second. But I no thats not true and if hes doing stuff without you bring one of your bestfriends [i did this n it worked for me n her coz her boyfriend is my boyfs bestfriend] and act like hes been doin with his friend like goin out to see a movie or hanging around with each other longer. Then he'l no what its like to be leftout. If not try and set up his bestfriend on a date with a girl for him! If he ses actually I'm gay be worried for your boyfriend lol [joke] hes probably strait! [who noes maybe he likes YOU!!!] Wow mager breakthrough! Good luck =] x
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A
female
reader, lenahcoco +, writes (20 August 2008):
lenahcoco is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI forgot to add this: 3 weeks ago the boyfriend and I were shopping and we came across this store that had furniture and interior decorating items. He said "Let's get some things for our house" Needless to say I felt super included and was very happy. We ordered over $12,000 worth of furniture and deecorative candles, coral, frames etc. Since my boyfriends job is crazy I was in charge of dealing with the shop owner all week, changing the order, negotiating prices, setting up shipment etc. Well, the weekend that the stuff was delivered I happened to be at a music festival with a friend. My boyfriend and (surprise) his best friend were at the beach house so they accepted the shipment and set up furniture. The problem is that they also decorated the entire place! They put the candles around, arranged the shelves, they totally and completely decorated the entire house with all of the stuff that I picked out and my boyfriend and I were supposed to do together.
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