A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm 19 and I've never had a girlfriend put simply. This isn't to say I'm still a virgin; sex and relationships are two quite different things as far as I'm concerned. I suppose you could consider me a late bloomer, I didn't really develop a vested interest in persuing females until I was around 17 and by then I was on the periphery of all social groups in school (being a rather introverted character) so I had little success in wooing 'the ladies'! Upon starting university I adopted an entirely new attitude towards all aspects of my social life and this brought me limited success in my endeavours, and then some way into the first term I started casually-dating a girl. Things were going swimmingly and I thought that we'd become an item sooner or later but was proven wrong when she cut off all contact from me overnight with no explanation!This time last year, one of the sole purposes of my going to university was to find a girlfriend. I can categorically say that as a priority, that aspiration has been diminished significantly - making the most of my life, meeting new people and maintaining the friendships that I have is now my foremost priority but essentially, as all people would, I'd like to find a steady and long term partner who I can settle down with. Im perfectly good looking so I've come to believe that certain aspects of my character somewhat inhibit my successes. Owing largely to my good background friends have (rather fairly) described me as a 'refined' character, even a 'gentleman', many of my american friends see me as a stiff upper-lipped Brit which is extremely true! I dress expensively and stylishly but in more smart and traditional clothes than those worn by many males of my age. I'm not one for putting on unwarranted displays of emotion and normally, especially in my behaviour women I'm not overly flirtatious, pronounced or physical. My behaviour being rather different to that exhibited by other males of my age has come to my believing that most females aren't really interested in 'my sort' at present; perhaps a few years down the line I'll be more successful but I really can't change as a character. I have been led to conclude that my character and way of being isn't what is desirable at present, currently I think the 'bad boy' sorts are infinitely more popular than my sort - maybe a few years down the line and I'll be (more) successful? I just hate the thought of spending many more years as a singleton. Perhaps my main question is whether (or not) the situation I find myself in Is uncommon?
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flirt, never had a girlfriend, still a virgin, university Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2012): Alpha males offer women the best genes for their children. Beta males make the best fathers to take care of them. So that is now nature rigs women to want men. First sleep with lots of Alphas, then "grow out of it" and want to "settle down" with a nice Beta to pay the bills for her.
So women will start to be interested in "your sort" when they are in their mid/late 20s. That's old enough to have had several children with the Alpha Males already. These days people have birth control, which stops most young women from having kids in their teens and early 20s. But their shifting preferences in men as they age . . . that stuff has not been changed by birth control.
Now, the real question is: Will you still have much respect for women by the time they want you? Most Beta males lose their respect for women as they come to understand that women are designed to use them for providers more than want them sexually.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionChigirl, in the past few months I have been on a number of dates and actually have seen someone for an extended period of time - it came to not avail that's all. I'm an open person to people I've had the chance to speak to and know for a bit - it's not as if I'm a detached and secretive person, I'm somewhat reserved.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (10 February 2012):
 my younger son is 25 now. he was a late bloomer... not a date to be had in high school and well into college and his 20s before he started dating... a couple of short term (under a year) serious girlfriends but nothing major.
He's tall (6'3") and slender
he's dark skinned (for a "white" boy)
he has a wicked sense of humor
he has a good sense of family and morals
he's smart, educated and hard working.
Party time is with his frat brothers and often involves service work in the community...
a major catch...
much like you.
he just recently met a young lady that he deems worthy to meet his OTHER parents (his father and step mother) so that I know he's serious about her.... I get to meet all the other girls...
you have plenty of time to meet girls and have relationships...
just keep waiting.. for them to grow up and figure out that you are a catch...
have you considered older women?
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (10 February 2012):
 I've found that people are overall extremely attracted to openness. If you are open, and share things about you to those who are not your innermost closest circle of friends, well then they will feel welcomed, of importance and valued. If you have a "you must prove yourself worthy" attitude towards people you meet then you will come off as cold and uninterested. So smile, open up and share of yourself. You don't need to say your innermost secrets, but share of yourself and your personality, invite people in to see who you are and allow them to get to know you.
I have a friend who never dated anyone. He said it was because he needed to know a girl well before he wanted to open up to her like that, I suppose he is scared of rejection. The problem is that he needs YEARS to get to know a girl to the point where he dares share his feelings with her. And by then these girls have already found someone else and he is in the dreaded friend zone...
I think you can break out of a friend zone without a problem, but to some that means an extra complication. So don't wait around getting comfortable and friendly with girls, because they'll take that as you not being interested and move on. Open up, give of yourself, let them get to know who you are without months and years going by.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionJust to make two things clearer - I'm not some sort of player, hopefully my writing didn't convey that much. Also, I'm not coldhearted or detached from people, simply I don't always openly display my innermost feelings and emotions to people I'm not that close to, that's reserved for people I know well and trust
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (10 February 2012):
 I guess it's all relative, to me it sounds that, if you have started pursuing the ladies, with some measure of success too, at just 17 !, that's far from being a late bloomer, au contraire it's an early start !
You are only 19, what's your rush of " settling down " and finding the one ? Things, and ideas, change fast at your age, probably what you'll want , also in terms of women, by the end of your studies and beginning of your working life, will be all different from what you want now. So.. don't sweat it , enjoy socializing and meeting girls of course, but don't put so much pressure on yourself- or them. Let it happen- if you watch a pot of water, it seems like water is never going to boil...
As for your Brit stiff upper lip, I guess you are who you are, and , sure, if you are out of your usual environment, that may be a challenge. Maybe American girls are more used to rowdy frat boys with mistmatched socks and a foul language, and SOME of them will see you as "strange ". Then again, you want to be liked for yourself as you are, don't you, so why putting on an act and wearing a " bad boy " costume who is not really you.
Just be patient, you may be a " niche " item but I am sure you'l have your estimators too.
The only thing I'd warn you about, maybe, is to be aware that there's a fine line between not displaying your emotions too much.. and coming across as a cold fish. All women in the whole world appreciate some enthusiasm, some warmth, so if you appreciate a woman, let her know, don't be stingy with words or compliments or kindness. Other than that... Rule Britannia ! :)
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A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (10 February 2012):
It takes time for everyone, even the "bad boys" to find someone they are compatible with. That said I don't think you'd ruin your chances if you dropped the "upper class" attitude. You don't want to come of as a snob. It's good and all to be true to who you are, but making yourself approachable and interesting to be around is vital if you're looking for a steady partner. Only a snob would want to date another snob, so unless that's what you're going for you might want to ease it down a bit and not try so hard to be... better than others. You want a girl to feel comfortable talking to you, not looking for her dictionary.
Then again, if you're an educated person who is looking for an educated partner that's all good as well... It just limits your possible partners and will make your chase for a girlfriend take longer.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2012): First of all, don't change who your are there is nothing wrong with you at all, your right girls do prefer the "bay boy" image, but sooner or later they will realize that, the bad boys are not all they crack up to be and will change their ways of thinking guys have to be and will set their eyes upon guys who are general nice people, who are willing to treat them right, love them and commit to them rather then a short term fling.
I hope this helps you in some way, good luck in your search for the right women
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