A
male
age
41-50,
*pppaaauul
writes:I have a problem regarding my ex, basically the backstory is we were together for 7 years, lived together for 2 and two months ago i proposed to her in paris as we had talked about it for years and i felt ready to pop the question, she accepted and was over the moon while we were out there couldnt stop smiling and kissing me, we got home and the next day i went to work and when i got home she had left me and took all her stuff, i have never had any explanation from her as to why she left only from her mother that we werent working and she had met some1 else and was happy.I was completely devastated and up until 2 weeks ago really depressed and to be honest on the verge of a breakdown she was everythin gto me, then 2 weeks ago i met a friend of my sisters and we hit it off great and it has been good for the last couple of weeks, i have been happy but my problem is my ex text me out of the blue yesterday and said to me to check out track 9 on kelly rowlands new album, i thought nothing of it and assumed she had text me by mistake but checked it out anyway.The song was called "still in love with my ex", i stupidly listened to it and i am back to square 1 again, all my old feelings have came back and she has asked to meet with me.My question is basically what do you think she is playing at, do u think she is still in love with me and do u think its worth going to c her, everyones is telling me to stay away from her and that she doesnt deserve another chance, id just like an outsiders opinion if possible as im completely lost at the moment.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2007): Life works in mysterious ways like this, just as the doors into new loves open there are crecks from the old fimilar doors. I think its very much about your mental and emotional state as to whether you can handle seeing her face to face. If strong enough it would very very healing for you, as much for closure if nothing else...seeing as how she left in such a rush. In terms of the thought of taking her back or picking up the pieces or all those romantic ideas, try and just see this as a chance to heal old wounds. Focus on the good things that have been happening in your life recently, like the new girl, because you never know what the furthur holds. The ex walking out may have been a blessing, made you a stronger person, while she is obviously a bit of a wreck because her behaviour just isn't rational...
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2007): I have had a very similar situation happen to me recently. From my expereience I was hurt considerably to the point where I had to have counselling. You must have been hurt and that pain will take time to heal, But what she has done is extremely cruel, selfish and she is a coward. To throw 7 years away like that is very hard and for her to jump into another relationship so soon just shows the lack of repect she had for your relationship. The choice is yours but I would hear what she has to say and get closure. Personally I would move on you deserve better treatment. If she cant make her mind up after 7 years together when can she. Maybe she has found that the grass is not greener.
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A
female
reader, Beckto  +, writes (11 July 2007):
 PROTECT YOURSELF. I wouldn't accept texts/emails/letters/phone calls, or anything from her. She obviously isn't an authentic person. What I mean by that, is that if things were starting not to feel right in her opinion, she wasn't letting you know this. She seems to have been effectively ACTING around you. To leave you all of the sudden, without an explanation is a really heartless thing to do. That says a lot about who she is.
Then, to toy with your emotions, without any consideration for your feelings, is really immature and cold.
Forget her. And if you have to, tell her to NOT contact you for any reason.
Good luck. You sound like you need it.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (11 July 2007):
 I am with Jendorset, but I would like to say things in more detail than she did.
We need to be fair to all parties, even those who don't come to us for help, but we also need to bear in mind the needs of agony nieces and nephews. So, my basic intention is helping you, the poster.
I see you still need closure from this woman. I understand this very, very well. You were with her seven years, man, and you lived together for two years. That's a relationship in itself; you were thinking about getting married because you wanted to make things formal, but, you were a couple. Some people would be inclined to say that she wanted to be sure whether she should marry you or not. But, she had seven years to think about it; and she lived with you for two years. The change in your situation would have basically been signing the piece of paper. So, afraid of commitment she was not. She was already commited, I hope. What keeps two people together is not the piece of paper, but their personal wish to stay together. What if it had been you who had left after two years of living together? Would people say you needed time to make up your mind?
So, you propose to her, she says yes, and then she leaves unexpectedly? I'm sure this didn't happen at once; she had had second thoughts for a long time. I'm sure she hinted this. Hints are VERY, VERY bad idea, because the other person may miss them; but this is how things work. Then you miss the hints and it's supposed to be your fault.
She was very, very uncaring about you. If she dropped any hints, you missed them, but she knew very well what was going on.
Sometimes people dump you, but then they don't like it when you find someone else. This is one possible explanation of her behavior. The word spread that she had left you; in the same way, the word spread that you had someone else. Now she comes. It may be a coincidence, but I don't think so.
I have a very bad feeling about her. I wouldn't go back to her if I were you.
I do believe you need closure. So, you should go and listen to her, so she can give an explanation. A simple "I'm sorry" is not enough. You also need to know what she wants. Everyone deserves to explain him/herself. But then, if I were you, I would tell her she had a window of opportunity for seven years, and the window is closed.
If you let her get away with this, you will need to let her get away with anything else.
Suppose you go back to her. Are you really sure you will trust her? I would have a hard time trusting her. Her mother said she had found someone else. How will you overcome the feeling that she might have found someone else again? I don't think the prospects are any good.
You need closure in order to respect this second girl who came along, who has done nothing wrong to you and deserves her feelings to be taken seriously. Maybe you two won't get along well, or then you will (who knows), but this is a wonderful person you should not lose just to go after someone who treated you this bad.
Maybe she realizes what her mistake was. Or she doesn't. Do you want to take this chance? If you had made this mistake, how many people would agree to give you a second chance? As another poster said, we need to understand that there is a reaction to everything we do. And, if leaving you was her action, why should she be afraid of the reaction, then?
I say, stay for the second girl.
You know, a very hard part of getting over someone, particularly when you are, as you were, on the verge of breakdown, is to find that special person who will make you feel alive again. Count your blessings, man. Don't allow yourself to lose the second girl. Spare you and her the pain of another failure.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2007): If you do not go and meet with her, you may end up regretting it. Hear her out, think about it with your head (the one on your shoulders), and your heart. Think hard if she wants you back, because there is not a great track record. We all make mistakes. However, you are well on your way to recovery. If only one song sends you back, what will happen years later when you think...what if...
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A
female
reader, Jen advice +, writes (11 July 2007):
 Hi
The reason people are telling you not to get back with her is because, they have seen how hard her leaving, left you..but at the end of the day, it's your life and only you can make a choice. I beleive that every deserves a second chance.
I do beleive she still loves you..you've been together for seven years...maybe she realised she made a big mistake, and still loves you. If you do decide to give her another chance...i'ts crucial that you start listening to each other's disappointments and needs. I'ts up to you i'ts a risk you've got to take
Jen advice x
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A
female
reader, Jendorset +, writes (11 July 2007):
I dont think it would be fair to your new girlfriend if you have more feelings for your ex. But you have to remember your ex has never given you an explanation for leaving you, which i think you deserved. If you want to meet your ex, it has to be to get an explanation and telling her your not interested in getting back together. For all you know, her other relationship has ended or she heard you have a new girlfriend and is jealous.If i was you i would just concentrate on your new relationship. Focus on moving on into the future, not dwelling on the past and your ex. You dont deserve to be hurt again.
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A
female
reader, flower girl +, writes (11 July 2007):
 Everyone makes mistakes and it is not until it has happened that you realised what you have done, also i believe that everyone deserves a second chance, so the choice is yours.
Everyone will give you different advice and if you were completely over her and not feeling like this it would be easy to walk away and think nothing more of it.
Hear her out and see what she has to say for herself, she may have just got caught up in the moment in Paris and got scared when the realisation kicked in back at home.
Take care.xx.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (11 July 2007):
 Dang! Right when you were on the verge of recovery too! I guess if you are willing to risk the pain again I would go ahead and meet up with her and see what's on her agenda. She may just be on the rebound from her last boyfriend. She may honestly regret leaving you, hard to say but she certainly doesn't have a very great track record. However think along and hard about these last two weeks and the potential with this new girl.
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