A
male
age
,
anonymous
writes:I have a problem some,i never really discuss things out,but i need help on this.Problem being,i been married for a long time,17 years in fact,i have one son teenager. Things at home over the years have slowly gotten bad,i love my son,i am very close to my son.I would never want to hurt him.My wife doesnt work,has never worked,finacially right now we are struggling,i got let go at my last job,took somehting to get us thruogh till i find somehting better.That isnt the problem, problem is i care for my wife very much,i wish her no ill,but i lost intrest about 5 years ago,sexually, nothing,just nothing there at all. She doesnt help at all if i try to talk about it,i get shut down.Now i have more serious problems,i met someone 2 years ago. She is smart, funny, just an all out great person. Listens to me, helps me whenever possible. We became close and I ended up crossing the line with her. I never meant for it to happen but it did and what is done is done. But the thing is now we kinda lost contact some. We both no matter what we will always be friends andto be honest she has tried just that.She is sweet, kind, never mentions anything that has happened between us. Now i am sure she's thinking i want nothing to do with her because i have a slight problem talking to her. Because it is her i think about, everytime i see her, i just want her.I havent seen her for a few days ,then she came to my new place of work to look at a networking problem for us.It kills me,i just dont know how to get over it. I even made a remark to her in private and she said she is off limits to me personally. But then she will call me on phone and we chat for 2 hours like it was five minutes. I hang up on a good note, at least i get to have some sort of contact, but then i get sad,i have to turn my phone off,for a few days because it all i think about again.I dont know what to do here,i dont want to loose her friendship, she has done so much for me,and i enjoy her way to much,her persoanlity just makes me come alive.But i dont know if i can handle not wanting more at the same time. I also dont want to hurt my son,or anything like.I feel like i just need to scream out loud. I know sounds stupid but i have a lot bottled up here and no place to go. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Jen advice  +, writes (11 July 2007):
 Hi
If you feel your in a dead relationship and there is'nt anything there...then leave...whats the point in being miserable for the rest of your life..i know you love your son and the last thing you want to is hurt him, but you can't stay in a dead relationship because of your son...and it will never change the fact you love your son.
Even if you have decided your relationship is over, it can be extremley difficult to leave, especially if you've been together for a long period, however dead your relationship is...i'ts familiar to you and we are all scared of the unknown!
I've been in your situation and it was one of the hardest things i've ever been through...i left and i've never been happier. I would however if you did decide to leave..to be on your own for a little while, dont go rushing straight into another relationship, because this is when i'ts important to focus on yourself..because even if you feel releived, your out of your relationship you are still likely to go through the grieving process, it will be a very upsetting time.Don't feel guilty about leaving a dead relationship..you only live once. i hope you sort things out. take care...
Jen/advice xx
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2007): I feel for you. However, it sounds as if you are describing me with regard to a male friend of mine. This woman that you have come to care about has her own life, and from what you say, she is not encumbered by a bad marriage, etc. Look at it from her perspective, she enjoys your company as a friend, loves to chat with you, perhaps there was a spark or some chemistry at one point in time, but now there is does not seem to be a physicial desire on her part, either for sex or to get involved with an unhappily married man. She sounds like a free spirit who likes you, but does not love you the same way you love her. You have a life that needs to be straightened out before you can look to anyone else. First make yourself happy. A teenaged boy is old enough to learn that his parents are people who have relationships like anyone else. Good or bad. If you are miserable with your marriage, deal with this situation first, keep your son close and talk to him privately, clear your head and your house. Once you have had time to put things in perspective, then start looking for someone who lights up your life. This other woman may not be the one. Do not expect her to wait for you to heal yourself.
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A
female
reader, Ask_HanBan +, writes (11 July 2007):
 first of all talk to your wife about these feelings and make a joint decision that will be suitable for all of you.
your spn may of noticed you and your wifes behavouir and would of guessed that something was/is wrong.
well spend some platonic time together as freinds, like the things you sued to do.
i wish you the best of look, hannah :)
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