A
female
age
30-35,
*mie94
writes:I'm 16 and I really really want a baby, have done for like 2 years. My boyfriend's almost 19, we're engaged and hoping to move in together when I've finished my A levels. I don't have a job at the moment but I'd like to get one part time. He's got 2 jobs and a pretty good income. The only thing is, we both still live with our mums :( I realise it won't all be happy and cute and that it means getting up in the middle of the night and stuff but I could do that! I can't get it out of my head...help!
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female
reader, curious0hot  +, writes (2 February 2010):
 Then, don't get it out of your head. Just keep it as a long-term goal. It is good to have a balance of rational and optimistic. Know and plan to have your baby when you're really ready to take care of one.
If you start feeling like you can't wait, think about how much you want to be a good mother and give your child the best. You shouldn't even think of a "when", until you are both successfully taking care of yourselves without any strain.
A
female
reader, Ravenxx91 +, writes (1 February 2010):
 Hey i think your being smart as aposed to many i see on here! Just it is best to do your A Levels First, However I would suggest doing a Level Vocational Course as getting a job is easier with them. But yeah wait until your both working, then move in and move on from there, theres no need to rush! If he wants to be with you for eternity a few years isnt anything x
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A
female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (1 February 2010):
 Girl, I feel you. Babies are adorable and tiny and sometimes that maternal side kicks in. But - you're 16! You have a lot of YOU time left to have fun with. And, you need time to set yourself up with a career you love and money saved so you and your fella can buy your own place and still have a good nest egg for all the expenses a baby will come with (and oh my heavens, babies are HORRIFICALLY expensive).
So, let me give you some advice.
I love babies. And I've always wanted to have oodles... and someday, I will. But, to curb that urge over the last 4 years, I bought a big box - you know, those big plastic bins you can get at any department store (Wal Mart, Target), and every time I was feeling particularly material, I would go out and buy some cute little onesie or pair of shoes or even a bag of diapers, and I'd toss it in the box. Because babies are cute, but their STUFF is even cuter! I also bought a journal and would regularly write little notes to the future child. (E.G. "Dear baby, Today I went to class and everyone was handing in a paper that I had no idea was due. Moral of the story - always read your syllabus.")
Then, my fella bought us a puppy. Adorable, but exhausting. Pees, poops, needs food, doctors appointments, discipline and affection JUST LIKE A REAL BABY! Totally cuddly, you get to name it, love it, and train it to be socially acceptable JUST LIKE A REAL BABY! And you can bet that the puppy took up my time and made me think twice about having a baby so early. Like, I'd be out with my girlfriends, having a good time, partying and then all the sudden I'd be like, "crap, I've got to go home and walk my dog". Which is a real bummer when you're having fun. Suddenly dates and little mini-vacations were harder to do. But, then when you think about how much harder life would be with a baby, you thank the Lord you've only got a dog. At least you can leave it at home alone for 5 hours. At least you can stick it in a kennel for the weekend.
So seriously, in the time that I would have been waist deep in debt, exhausted and 20 pounds heavier, I've gotten two degrees, gotten married and enjoyed quality time with my fella - something I won't get much of when the babies come around. So consider holding off... and taking up babysitting.
You're lucky you live with your parents and can save up. So consider saving for awhile, maybe getting engaged and getting married to your guy and spending LOTS of time with your friends just enjoying a life with practically no responsibilities. Build your relationship with your guy and fill yourself with the experience, wisdom, money and stability that will make motherhood fun and fulfilling.
Good luck, sweetness!
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A
female
reader, girl from bristol +, writes (1 February 2010):
hi i think if its possible you could get a part time job now and start saving up to move in together and talk to him about the baby see if he is keen too he may not be ready yet if its what you both want then get the a levels finished and start a family together good luck
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2010): Do you feel loved? From what you've written here it sounds like you are feeling unloved and want to supplement this through a baby you feel will be devoted to you. Theres no rush, if you really want it take steps towards complete independence and make sure you are financially capable.
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