A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Ive been sorta keeping my eye out for a possible relationship with someone, and lately with some of the girls I've met I feel like they could be worth getting to know more but once I find out that they like me or they say yes to a date I don't seem to like them anymore. Does this mean ill never be in a serious relationship, and how can I break out of this cycle? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2011): I had the same problem and just got my first serious gf at 22 yrs old. We've been together for 9 months now. Before that, I only had casual relations because in a way it felt too easy to get a girl's attention. Sorry for sounding cocky, it's just that I play the guitar and sing and a lot of girls seem to like that. How I got my gf is actually what the last anonymous female reader said. When I was attracted to a girl I went out with her just as friends but we did "date" stuff. As I got to know her I realized I wanted to be more and asked her out. Don't be down on yourself man, it takes patience but you'll find her.
A
female
reader, GeeGee255  +, writes (21 March 2011):
 I'm glad to hear that's not the problem, and you understand you must love yourself before you can really love someone else. And that you do.
We can only give you possibilities to think about. The actual answer has to come from inside yourself.
So what is your best guess?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionsorry geegee225. i dont understand wat ur saying. i guess i do feel like i deserved to be loved. but how do u noe whether u do? i love myself atm and i think thats important to understand before i can love someone else.
going slightly off topic but basically whenever i meet someone i do feel like i wanna get to noe them, and when one of them says yes i dont feel like i wanna do anything more
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A
female
reader, GeeGee255 +, writes (21 March 2011):
Maybe the other aunts are right, if so then great you have your answer...
But there is another possibility. Is it possible that you think a girl would have to be crazy to like you? And if they do like you then there must be something wrong with them, in which case you don't want them?
In otherwords, do you believe that you deserve to be loved?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYeah i think im asking girls out too fast or im being overly charming (not to sound up myself) coss lately ive been trying to improve my luck with girls coss ive felt very lonely being single for several yrs now, and ive been trying to act more confident
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your comments everyone. You all seem to raise very good points, some of which makes so much sense but i never saw it myself
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2011): I agree with the below poster and I wanted to add something. Is it possible you're asking out girls too quickly because you're looking for a relationship? I'm not saying there's anything wrong with that, but maybe you lose interest so fast because you're not focusing your prospects on the right girls. Maybe if you get to know someone better and spend some time finding out what it is about her that truly attracts you, then you can go after her. This way you'll still be interested and intrigued by her and want to find out more even when she says yes. :)
Good luck!!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2011): I am exactly the same! Either you like the chase or you haven't met the right girl yet so you don't want to "settle".
I'm actually in this situation right now, met a great guy a and got to know him a little bit. I could see us dating in the future but he had developed feelings for me and wanted to start a relationship right now. Suddenly I lost interest because I felt that he liked me too soon and wasn't really willing to work for me. And I turned out to be right - he made me choose between now or never.
I agree with what person12345 said about getting to know someone before going after them. Maybe you could try spending time alone with a girl but without the "date" label. This way you get to know her without going after her right away. Just make sure she knows it's not a date or else you might end up leading her on.
I hope you find the right girl soon. :)
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (20 March 2011):
 It probably just means you haven't found the right person and aren't ready for a relationship. The reason you like these people and then lose interest is because you don't really like them, you enjoy the thrill of the chase. It's exciting, but you're not really interested in dating. You should try getting to know some people well before going after them, to see if they're someone you can really see yourself with.
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female
reader, sexy minx  +, writes (20 March 2011):
 This doesn't mean you'll never have a serious relationship, It could just mean you are not ready for the commitment and settling down bit yet. Your probably feeling That you want fun, a relationship can bring That too x
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A
female
reader, Luv_doc +, writes (20 March 2011):
I think perhaps you like the thrill of the chase and once the girl has said yes, it's over and bam the excitement disappears. Either that or you simply aren't truly interested in these girls and hence don't feel attracted to them. Either way I expect you'll meet a girl that will tick all the boxes for you and the attraction will be lasting, you just have to be patient : ) LD xxx
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2011): Just you wait. That chick that will drive you insane just thinking of her is out there and when you find her you are done for.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2011): No it just means you still haven't found someone you find attractive and intellectually stimulating. I guess you go for most girls you find attractive but deep down you don't really feel that spark or connection so when they show interest you take a step back. Or you could just simply be the type that has a thing for 'hard to get' kinda girls....
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female
reader, AnalyticalMentalityOx +, writes (20 March 2011):
This question is very similar to the one a few days ago about a girl moving on from guys to quickly! Have a look because some of the answers are pretty useful and the question relates to you i'd say..........http://www.dearcupid.org/question/why-do-i-get-over-guys-so-quickly.htmlThat said, with you i would say that your like me as i lose interest pretty easily, because i want what i don't have and once i've got it i don't want it anymore. So when the person i want lets me know that they like me, i feel that i've already got them and i sort of lose interest. So it's as though i like the chase because it makes things more interesting, and i think that is what you like is the chase, so once you find out the girl likes you, you feel as though you've already got her and there's nothing to work for so the fun and the challenge is gone.Hope this helps! :)
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