A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Dear Aunts,We just had a fight. My boyfriend got so furious seeing me talking to another guy on facebook. I wasn't doing anything wrong, and plus this guy is way younger than I am. So I defended myself and said that he should have put his trust on me. But then he brought up everything, he said that I had treated him like he's nothing because I never seen this thing about talking to another guy as a big deal. He brought up everything about our relationship, about the thing we used to talk about, how we were eagerly wanting to start a new life together, how we live in different side of world and how he wanted me to move there and be with him. Well the problem is my parents are against this whole thing and want me to date a local guy instead. Well I love this guy but I can't move be with him. He's been pushing me to just go against my family which is something I could never do. I asked him to come instead but he said he doesn't have that much of money to spend on. What am I supposed to do? And just now we had a fight, he yelled at me and said that he should have seen another girl instead of waiting for me to move there which is something I would never do. And he's so furious seeing me talking to another guy. What am I suppose to do? It really hurts thinking about the fight that we just had I just can't bear with it..
View related questions:
facebook, money Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, PerhapsNot  +, writes (28 September 2011):
 You said you'd never move. Ask yourself, would you want to leave your family and your current location and trade all of that to be with him? You already said no.He doesn't want to move either because he doesn't have enough money. If he doesn't have enough money to move, how would he support you financially if you were to move to his location anyway?There is no point in being with someone who is angry and pressuring you to move to be with him. Listed to yourself and your parents.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (27 September 2011):
 A couple of things.
have you guys even met IRL? if not then it's doubtful this will survive.
there is no crime in talking to other people of the opposite sex and a partner that gets that jealous is not a good thing.
if you can't or won't move and he can't or won't move then there is no point in pretending this is a relationship.
...............................
A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (27 September 2011):
 Nothing more dangerous than a "contoller' you need to move on to the next guy. This one sounds "toxic" Life is too short to live under someone's thumb.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (27 September 2011):
 I agree with the other aunties. This is the "crap or get of the pot" moment. Either you two find a way to be together or you two end it.
You have no intentions of moving to where he is, and he obviously has no intetions to move to where you are. So you are at an impass. One of you have to make a move.
Obviously your family and your home is more important then he is, so that might help you make the descision. Talk to your Mom/Dad maybe?
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 September 2011): I'm sorry to tell you, but your chances of your relationship succeeding are 0 if neither of you is willing or able to move to the same location. LDR are for very short term only, and even then it is a strain on even the best relationships.
It is understandable that he is getting jealous. A lot can be misinterpreted in text. Flirty tones can be added where none were intended. So that on top of the distance is too much.
You need to decide what is the best thing for you. If you are unable to move and he is unable to move, it may be better to take your parents advice and move on. :(
...............................
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (27 September 2011):
 You're at the moment of truth.
This is your life's crossroad.
This isn't really about you talking to another guy. I don't know if you and this Facebook guy were being flirtatious, but what your long distance boyfriend is telling you is that he can't take this situation anymore.
You can no longer be in limbo and indecision over your choice to be with him. A relationship held in statis will cause enormous stress before it withers and dies.
You either move to be with him, or you don't. Now is the decision. You can't sit on it anymore.
...............................
A
female
reader, Claraw1  +, writes (27 September 2011):
 I think the fight is more about the fact that you won't move to be with him and the frustration of him not having enough money to be able to move to where you are. Long distance is very hard and frustrating, I know because I am in one myself. The sad thing if you won't move to be with him and he can't afford to move to be with you, he has probably sees the relationship as doomed, he just doesn't want to admit it. I would say that it has been on his mind for a while and seeing you talking to another guy was just too much. Of course you are allowed to talk to anyone you want, as long as there is nothing more to it. I would wait until things settle down and talk to him calmly about everything, and see if you can work together so you can be together, if not it may be time to say goodbye. I know that is a hard thing to do, but at this stage it is all that you can do. You have said that you won't go against your family, and I can understand that, and respect that, unfortunately what he hears is I WON'T, not that you can't afford to, just that you won't and that hurts him, because in his mind if he could afford to he would. Talk to him and see if you can work something if not then let him go.
...............................
|
