A
female
age
41-50,
*endy2011
writes:My new husband who earns less than me never contributes anything more than a share for himself only, even when he has extra cash. I have two children and two dependants and earn alot more than him. He has no interest to find out even how much i pay for my children's school fees, or thier needs such as clothing and food. i dont mind the spending because i can afford and have been spending the same before i got married. However, i find his behavior of not showing slightest interest selfish. Am I expecting too much? How much involved should a step dad be in the general and financial welfare of the step children (not necessarily contributing)? He had made it clear before marriage that the burden of a big family would be too much, and i said i would handle it, since its my buggage and i earn more, but i didnt know meant him being completely detached. We live in a culture of extended family. Should i also behave the same in a situation where our house would be full of his relatives? and non of mine? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, wendy2011 +, writes (28 September 2011):
wendy2011 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks for the advice. i think i will talk with him and tell him how i feel, and see how things move from there.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (28 September 2011):
 When i was a stepmom I was 100% involved. You need to tell your husband how you feel and what you want and expect.
sadly this should have been discussed before the marriage as now it's too late and you either will accept what he wants, force him to do it your way or have to part ways.
btw, I help support a disabled adult child and give gifts to my grown son, my current bf/fiance makes less than I do and we pool our funds 100% and the monies for my children come out of our joint account.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (27 September 2011):
 Have you spoke to him about how you feel? This really is a subject that the both of you should be communicating. I guess he feels because they are not his children then they are not his responsibility. Every man is different when it comes to these situations. But you need to discuss it with him and see how he would feel if it was the other way around. You are a family now so yes he should be more involved or else it will be the children that end up feeling pushed out. OK if he cannot afford to contribute that's fair enough but he should be showing more involvement with the children. Talk to him about your concerns.
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