A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Dear Aunts,I've been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 18 months now. We met online on facebook and started it out by being friends. I know it kinda makes no sense coz we live a world apart and never seen each other in person before. But anyway it is quite complicated what I'm dealing now. My boyfriend used to tell me that he wanted to come and visit me and a few months after we started dating he changed his mind instead he asked me to come to him. I was being unemployed at the moment and was wondering if that was a great idea since I'd be meeting him in person but when I tried to talk to my parents about it they got concerned and gave their disagreements. My father even asked me to stop seeing this guy. It teared me deep down but I didn't stop talking to him. Well, a year passed by, he still asks me to come be with him. Now I'm working with the government and according to the job contract, I have to fulfill my position at least 5 years or else I will have to pay for the penalty if I leave my job before 5 years. That's a huge decision I'm going to make there if I have to leave this job, besides I will really disappoint my parents because they were really glad when I got this job. I tried to talk about it to my boyfriend, yet he said that I should be the one having a say in making the decisions. Well he also said that he'd come in September and sweep me off bring back home with him which is something that somehow bothers me. I start to think that he doesn't want to meet my family and know each other more in persons. I don't understand why he's acting like this. Probably due to the language problems, coz my parents don't talk the same language with him but it shouldn't be the problem. I just don't understand how to behave now. He is a nice guy and I don't wanna lose him either. Please aunts, any advices are greatly appreciated. Thank you very much
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionbasically it sounds like he wanted a girl who could give up on everything for him. And I knew why he wanted such a thing. But I just don't understand why he didn't want to take the first step and come visit me. He said it a hundred times already that it is cheaper for me to get to him, he would pay for the ticket, for only 1 ticket for me, if he were the one to come, he said that he would have to pay for 3 tickets! Now it sounds a bit reasonable but.. I just don't know what to do now.. but thanks for the insights!
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (24 May 2011):
 do not give up your job!
DO NOT put all your hopes and dreams in this man who is so far away and you have not met...
after 18 months of ONLINE LDR you guys should have met at least a few times already....
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A
female
reader, Trinklett  +, writes (22 May 2011):
 Don't even think of giving up your job. This guy is clearly a not committed to you and very self centered not to mention selfish. As a guy he should make the first move coming to visit you. You must be very careful with people you meet ? line. What if he has a temper, or is even unemployed! How would you deal with that knowing you gave up something really good back home. If you want to keep up with him, let him come and see you if he doesn't agree I suggest you try to date someone you can see, understand and trust. Best of luck
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A
female
reader, Trinklett +, writes (22 May 2011):
Don't even think of giving up your job. This guy is clearly a not committed to you and very self centered not to mention selfish. As a guy he should make the first move coming to visit you. You must be very careful with people you meet on line. What if he has a temper, or is even unemployed! How would you deal with that knowing you gave up something really good back home? If you want to keep up with him, let him come and see you if he doesn't agree. I suggest you try to date someone you can see, understand and trust. Best of luck
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (22 May 2011):
 My advice is to stay put, don't go anywhere , and fulfill your committment with the government. First, because it's a good habit to take, when you commit to do something, then actually doing it, it's a matter of integrity . Second, because it makes absolutely no sense to leave a good job and pay a penalty to go visit a guy that you have never met in person, and that you don't know anything about except what he wants you to know. How do you even know that he is such a good guy ? Not all people on Internet lie, ok- and not all tell the truth. In doubt, better be safe than sorry and most of all stick to your job.
If he is so serious about you as you think, I'd be questioning too why he is in no hurry to visit you in your country and meet your family. Why did he change his mind about visiting you first ?How does he expect that you just drop everything and follow him, without knowing if you may like living in his country and be able to earn money there ? That, regardless of how well you get along in person, which is still to be assessed.
A move like that needs to be done in installments, after at least a couple of reasonably long visits in each other's country, and working out a good plan for a future together .
Other than that, it's just a romantic fantasy, or a waste of time, unless it's something worse, i.e. someone who is swindling you on purpose.
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