A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've been with my boyfriend 9 months we both still live with our parents (he's 21 I'm 18) I love him and he says he loves me and most of the time I do believe him but recently he has been taking ages to answer texts for example he use to text me whilst he was at work but he doesn't any more and the other day he came over and he had a picture of another girl as the wallpaper on his phone (I dunno if it was a model or someone he knew and it wasn't nude or anything just a pic of a face and top part of body) I wanted to ask him but I was so upset I couldn't and now I'm left wondering is he cheating. As far as I know he doesn't really go anywhere apart from work but as I said we live separatly so I wouldnt know. I just need other opinions do you think he is cheating?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2011): within 9 months of the relationship ,it is normal for a guy to stop texting a lot..especially if he is at work..i dont think he is cheating though...
if he were cheating ,he wouldn't put it up as his wallpaper..coz wallpaper is something so easy to see..dont you think he would have changed it before meeting you if thats the case?
the girl in the pic could be his friend/sister/someone close/a model
its better that you ask him..infact maybe he did expect you to ask..dont ask like you are suspicious ...in front of him,just check his phone and go through it ,if the wallpaper is changed go to pics..see the pic like you just happened to come across,and ask casually who that is!!simple girl :)
some people also do it purposely to make their partner jealous and get a kick out of it....there is a slim possibility of that too...but i am almost certain he isnt cheating ..a cheating bf would make sure to erase all evidences!
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (23 October 2011):
 Nice job if you can get it : being paid for texting your girlfriend :)
Maybe he stopped texting you from work because he was caught and his boss told him to keep his nose to the grindstone. And the girl on the phone screen, - I doubt he'd be so dumb, even at 21, to put the pic of his secret lover exactly where you are bound to find it.
All in all, I'd say you have no evidence to assume he is cheating.
It's true, though, that gut feelings are not to be dismissed so lightly. If you feel something is off, often it's just not all your paranoia, it means that something has, ever so slightly , changed in the general context of the relationship. Maybe, after the first initial bout of enthusiasm, he is cooling off a bit .
I don't see though why you can't ask him things. If this is nagging at you , ask him why he stopped texting you from work. And who is the girl in the pic .His answers, and most of all his reactions ( surprised ? annoyed ? embarassed ? reassuring ? protective ? ) will tell you a lot .
I know that maybe you don't want to ask because you don't want to sound jealous, but you ARE jealous ! , so it's better come clean and risk an argument , or a disappointment, that having bad thoughts eating at you and having to suppress them feigning that everything is fine.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2011): Only way to settle your mind is to ask him about the picture..you have to or you will drive yourself nuts wondering.
You need to see how he is feeling, you have a gut feeling and its better to ask questions and get to the bottom of it all. I can tell it was a shock to you and now your adding everything together.
Talk...however hard .
xx
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