A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:ive been with my boyfriend for two years were both 27yrs old , weve got a great relationship and was going to move in together last year , until i found out he had some debt with his ex , so ive waited a year for all that to clear , we then said we was going to move in the start of next year , well i spoke about it last night and now hes saying he wants a four grand car before we buy a house and that will take him eight months to save up for , i dont understand because i havent pushed him in to move i said next year as im saving up this year to get a car , hes a reall mommys boy and gets everything done for him and hes happy at home , i dont want to finish it but is that what ive got to do , because if he really loved me he would want to move in wouldnt he .thanks x
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (5 September 2012):
 If you can't afford a home and a car how do you expect to make this work?
"if he really loved me he would want to live with me"
not necessarily... I have friends getting married on September 15 they live 2 hours apart and will continue to do so for another 3 years (they have been together over 2 years as a couple) but he is in one state and she in another and he's 3 years from retirement so they tough it out...
YOU have to decide if you want to have a life with a man who is
a. fiscally irresponsible enough to have debt with an ex and need to save to buy a car and I assume move out of his mommy's house...
b. clearly not making you feel loved.
living together is not the be all to end all.. you know in my day couples did NOT live together before marriage.
do you wanna marry this guy?
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (5 September 2012):
 And he could say that if you really loved him, you would not pressure him for moving together when you know that he wants/needs a car, and that the plan is just being delayed one year :).
The " if he really loved me " is tricky in this sense- you get stuck into this dynamics and you could go in circles for ages.
Personally I think that love is not, or should not be a matter of convincing or forcing your partner to do what he/she does not want to do. I think the idea would be tryng coming up with a compromise or a solution that sort of works for both and let them meet halfway in term of wants and needs. ( And,always from my personal point of view, he is headed into this direction. He did not say that he NEVEr wants to live with you, or that he does not know when that can happen, or that before living togethre he needs to become a millionaire or some other next to impossible goal. He just said that he needs 8 more months, is it that bad ? )
But supposing that no adjustment or compromise is workable or satisfactory- I guess you have to ask yourself if you care more about having things your way. About being right, or being happy.
I am not accusing you of being bossy or unreasonable. Probably is very normal that ,in these circumstances , you may feel he is dragging his feet and that makes you frustrated and anxious. Then again, you are supposed to love each other, right ? So what is the point of giving ultimatums, and maybe dragging him to move in, kicking and screaming ? Would you be happy knowing that " you won " and now you live together- because you left him no other choice ?... Maybe he does not feel so raring to go , as sanguine about cohabitation as you are, yes. But this has not got necessarily to do with lack of feelings or lack of love- more just with being at slightly different places in terms of what you want from each other.
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A
female
reader, BondGirl72 +, writes (5 September 2012):
 I am not sure. If he doesn't have much money, and he is getting a car in order to travel to and from a job, then I would say it is in your best interest for him to get a car. Personally, I would not want to move in with anyone who didn't have a car because I would not want to be responsible for getting him to and from the places he needs to go. Perhaps you could both live on your own awhile longer, save up some money, and move in with one another later.
I do not know your entire situation, whether he is working or not, already has a car or not, so that might change the advice I give.
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