A
female
age
30-35,
*4llyann
writes:when it comes to my boyfriend's ex i never really used to have a problem with her. before me she was his first love and as teenagers they were together for about between 18 mths to 2 yrs. they broke up and it just happened that i was his shoulder to cry on, we got closer and we got together.its been 3 yrs now, but recently i cant help noticing that his ex seems to be around alot more. shes gone to uni, has lots of friends, is stunning after losing loads of weight and theyre starting to become friends again. in the past hes told me how he thinks our relationship is better because he knows where he went wrong last time, our relationship is very open and trusting and weve been through alot together but weve always been strong. i dont think he'd ever cheat on me, but i know how much better looking she is now, and him being around her make mes feel uneasy.i know he talks to her over facebook which he tried to hide from me for some reason, when he knows id be cool with it, and he blurted out that he texted her a coupld of weeks ago, innocent enough, to find out where a certain place was. i was hurt that he didnt ask me, especially when he knows ive been to this place hundreds of times.im not looking my best at the moment and im trying to lose a few pounds ive put on in the past yr, and im stressed with work. i know shes better than i could ever be. i dont know what to do, he acts normal when he mentions her name as if theyre just friends but i cant help feeling jealous. i dont think he had much time to get over her when we got together, and neither of us thought our relationship would last this long.im scared that when he looks at me he'll realise how much hes missed out on with her. its tearing me up.
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female
reader, taina1980  +, writes (12 September 2009):
It might be innocent. Mostly I think your jealousy comes from your own insecurity about yourself. I dont care how much weight she lost or how much better looking you perceive her to be. Dont let anyone take yourself confidence. You have to have the mentality that no female compares to you. Guys love a woman who is confident. Based on how you are acting you would think you were handing him to her on a silver platter. If he wanted her he would go be with her. If he would cheat on you hes not worth it anyway.. Think about it hes been with you 3yrs for a reason because you are better. Just relax honey what ever you do in the dark eventually come to the light.
A
male
reader, softtouchmale2003 +, writes (12 September 2009):
 I am so sorry that this is stressing you out. You seem to be a very nice girl that he met and in this time, the two of you have grown close and intimate together.I think that you were kind and accepting of his girlfriend, and the fact that you said that he learned about where he went wrong in his prior relationship, tells me that he's well-intentioned. But I think he's in a relationship with you, not her. And you should be his top priority in his life, not his ex girlfriend.Its nice that he can remain friends with her, and its good that you accept that. It means that you've been honest and trusting towards him.What you're sensing now is that he's drifting closer to her and away from you.The best way to resolve this issue with him is to confront him in person, very lovingly and very gently and ask him if you're the one for him or if he's still in love with her.And part of that means him accepting the fact that you've been honest and non-judgmental to this point. These little things are bothering you and if he doesn't calm your fears and pay more attention to you than her, then he's hurting you.If he does truly love you, the last thing he wants to do is hurt you. If he spends more time with you, and takes the time to make more efforts towards relieving you of your stress, that would make things much better between the two of you.I sense in all of this that you're worried that at the beginning both of you doomed your relationship at the start, and in fact, it turned out quite well. Its lasted this far and I think it could last as long as you two want it to.Don't feel that he's missed out on something with her. He seems to have his world looking right at him, and that's you. The fact that you have some concerns, and that you want to address them means you do love him. If he realizes that, he should be doing anything he can to make you more comfortable and less anxious.As far as the ex girlfriend losing weight and such, she may be more attractive, but in due time, its possible she's going to be standing right where you're at now. Stressed and put on a few pounds. Looks are superficial and I think your guy saw something in you that attracted him. From what little I've seen so far, he's a very lucky man.There aren't that many women around that can be this caring, accepting and open about tolerating an ex in their relationship, and I think that he should be grateful that you've been there for him.
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