A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my bf for 8 years. We have a mortgage together. For many years he has been abusive to me while he is drunk. He calls me names and picks on me about personal things that I have confided in him over time. I recently had a spell of anxiety attacks and didn't want to go to work as a result of the mental torture I have been recieving. I do love him but I don't know if I can take much more. It seems obvious what I should do as I type this but its just not so easy to leave. He always apologises to me and genuinely seems to mean it until it happens again. He admits he only says these things because he knows it will hurt me. I feel exhausted at the hurt I have taken from him and I no longer know what to do. Has anyone experienced this? What should I do?
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female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (11 March 2012):
 You know what you should do. You need to summon up the strength to let go because this is an unhealthy, abusive relationship. You say its not so easy to leave, that's because you fear about what's going to happen without him, because you have become far too dependent on him, you have chosen to put up with all the shit that he puts you through because that is the price that you have to pay to be with him. He on the other hand sees you as someone weak who might come up with some minor threats about leaving him now and then, but you will never act upon it.
Its entirely your choice now. If you don't get out of this now, then stop complaining. After a point of time even your friends and relatives will stop giving you a shoulder to cry on, because you are willingly choosing to stay in this relationship which you know is all wrong.
A
female
reader, Fate100percent +, writes (11 March 2012):
People that are married with kids split up for less...Where there's a will there's a way...(OUT!)
You have put up with this for 8 years? Why? Do you think you deserve his behaviour?
What would you say to your best friend if she confided in you what you have told DC about her relationship...??? You know the answer...
Is he nice when he's not drunk? If so, then obviously he needs to stop drinking (but he needs to acknowledge that!)
If you haven't got kids already, is he the sort of role model you want for your children?
Confide in friends/family/work colleagues... ANYONE that can help you get away from this abusive man. No-one deserves to be treated like that. Tell yourself over and over until you believe, then make a plan of action to leave him and DO IT. (He's got away with his behaviour for 8 years, don't let it continue any longer)
x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2012): You need to let him go.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2012): "He admits he only says these things because he knows it will hurt me."
It was time to go years ago. That you continuously allow him to weasel his way back into your affections with lame insincere apologies after he's said what he's said to you is completely on you.
You have the choice to continue to put up with his verbal abuse or you have the choice to demonstrate some self-respect and walk away with your ego and dignity intact. So far you've chosen to put up with him in exchange for empty flattery. It's your choice if you want more of the same or you truly want a better life for yourself.
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