A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Ok here it goes,I have recently got a number from a guy that comes through my store. I would really like to get to know him. But when I accepted his number I felt guilty right afterwards because I do have a b/f. Here's the thing My b/f writes and flirts with women and hints things to them. And he's does not feel guilty.( at least that I have seen because I have talked to him about it before and this is the 4th time)I feel bad just accepting a number, I am a very loyal person. What made me accept the number is that I am just plain tired of him writing women. I am thinking about leaving. He is 28 years old and should act his age. I am tired of worrying and it is disrespectful. Even if it is harmless. He wants to work it out and has done some things to start building my trust back. But the things he has to do you shouldn't have too. I want to be strong and stand up for myself but I love him and it will cause me a lot of pain to pack my stuff up and leave. I am always angry and I am stuck as to what to do. I have talked to him about us seperating but when I see his sad face and the pain starts, I cant do it.I just dont want to regret leaving.Sometimes I wonder if love is enough.Thank you any advice will but welcomed
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2009): Hi
If it truly is something that you absolutely cannot stand, and there is no other way to solve the problem... then issue the ultimate ultimatum. And no, you aren't living in any fairy land. If you give your all to the relationship, then you have every right to demand all! There are two ways to get your point across. The first is to flirt equally with all the men that you can... especially in front of him! Hopefully this will be a strong enough hint. If this doesn't work and you feel that you cannot take it anymore, then there is little reason why you should. So, go out and take a break! And think things through! Sadly, there are many men who think exactly like your guy. That as long as they aren't doing anything, it shouldn't be an issue. Little do they realize how hurtful that is. I wish I could offer you a guaranteed solution, however I cannot think of any! The only think that I can say, is give him a little time to change his ways, and communicate exactly how it makes you feel in a calm manner. Anger is not the way to go, here. But this habit is extremely tough to break... so, if you do intend to stay with him, you just might have to prepare to live with his continuous flirting! The choice is your.
Good Luck!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 October 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHello guys,I have told him how I feel, everytime it happens. It gets tiring. He amitted last night thats it's nothing because he never got physical with any of these girls.And he said he has written worse messages (then the ones I found). I have never done that to him. He should be respecting me the same. It doesn't matter if it never get physical with these girls. He kept saying that I am living in my fairy tale world where everything is perfect. That I keep telling him his faults and that he doesnt do that to me.I dont think he is getting it.I know it isnt easy and you have to put time into the relationship but when is it time to say enough is enough.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (2 October 2009):
Love isn't always enough. You have to feel loved, you have to want to put time and energy into a relationship. Throw the phone number away (stay loyal, it's a very goood quality) and sit him down and tell him how you feel. If he doens't listen after this, then you might need to move on and find a guy who does love you and you alone.
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A
female
reader, Theresa123  +, writes (2 October 2009):
You know...there's nothing wrong with "levelling the playing field"...If he wants to play Mr. Cock of the walk, then girl , you go give him a taste of his own medicine...level that playing field by all means. This doesnt mean go to bed with anyone..it just means that evidently his attention isnt on you...but if you do some of what he's doing, then his attention might get so busy wondering what your doing and with who, to dang busy to entertain other ladies. Or, if you just dont want the drama..leave him to his destiny!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 October 2009): Hi i have just read yr problem and im pretty much in the same position, my b/f who i have been seeing for 3yrs has a nasty habit of texting other women, even though he says there is nothing in it, it still hurts. It has recently happened for the 4th time aswell and we have had another heart to heart about it. I have asked how he would feel if i did it to him and he said ok, as there is nothing in it between him and the latest one, who works with him. I know that men need women friends and vice versa but like yrself i would feel disloyal if i did what he is doing to me. I did tell him that i wouldnt put up with it forever and if he didnt want to lose me it was going to have to stop, i also told him that if he doesnt watch what he is doing i would end up doing what he was doing to him, maybe worse. I wish u well with the future and i hope things get better for u and me. Good luck
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A
female
reader, isabella1987 +, writes (2 October 2009):
You don't have to regret to leaving him cause he cheated on you 4times.You still young enough to get right guys.If he really love you he don't have to put the eyes on another women.So,you should know he is not for you.He is unappreciated your love.So, you don't need to care about it any more.Break up with him and move on your life.You will find alot better than him.Alot of guys out there waiting for you.(right guys).Good luck
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 October 2009): Hi
I think that the issue here is that the two of you have different standards when it comes to loyalty in relationship! Some men (it is tragic) think that as long as they do not have an intercourse with another woman, they are 'allowed'. Well, we women disagree!
Now, for a man, maybe connecting to other women may feel like being still 'free' or 'attractive'! But, hey, if a man is in a relationship, shouldn't he be happy to be in it? But, sadly, men often tend to have some of the most obvious (to us) explained explicitly to them. In a calm, rational and simple manner. No matter what their age, there are always a few things that we women get, but men don't. Our minds are biologically wired differently and it truly isn't fair to expect immediate understanding from men. For eg. my man is a workaholic and it took me a month to get the simple fact that i'd like him to be a bit more expressive!!! And, when I talked to him in a fit of temper, I ended up talking at him...so nothing got through to him at all!!! Now, you say that your guy has been trying to make an effort to get a little less flirtatious... that's an improvement right? Things don't change overnight... right now reward him for every tiny step that he takes.
ALso, hey, don't you think that your standards are too rigid, even for yourself? What's wrong in your wanting to get to know a guy better, about taking his phone number and occasionally chatting with him? Don't you have a male friend at all? That is unhealthy. Even for yourself. You know, when two people are thrown together a lot, they just end up bored and by refusing to meeting new people you are limiting your growth as a person... maybe you've been too available to your man... and so he has taken you for granted???
Personally, I think that a man should have friends that are women and the same goes for us women too... the more we are familiar with the opposite sex, the better our understanding with them... and ultimately that helps make our relationship a bit more fulfilling!!!!
So, really, try to loosen up a little, and talk it out with him!!!
Best of Luck
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A
female
reader, woowaa +, writes (2 October 2009):
 The answer is simple ( well it is to me anyhow) You described yourself as loyal, if that is true, and an important self quality for you to uphold at all costs, well, that is what you should do. Throw the phone number away if you wish to stay with current bf and have a pure relationship ( on your side at least) if you are not happy, don't seek that happyness from another without first ending the current relationship. Be honourable, At least you will have a clear conscience then, you wont have let your moral standards slip just because your bf has. If you dnt like his flirting , and he knows that and has refused to stop, well ,maybe you two aren't right for each other.
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