A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend has asked me to move in with him. It's a big deal to me because I've never lived with a guy before and I usually need a lot of my own space in relationships. I'm wondering if anyone else who likes their own space has experience with living with a partner? And whether you started to feel trapped?I bolted at a million miles an hour from the last 3 guys I was seeing as soon as they did something like call me their girlfriend, but this guy is really special and I've never felt pressured or trapped with him. Living with him feels like the right thing to do and I've told him that I really want to do it. I'm just worried because, although we now spend maybe 1 night every 2 months on average apart at our own houses, I don't know if I need to have the freedom of having that option there.I also have an almost passive personality in that I like to please people. This trait has meant I nearly lost myself in one past relationship with a more dominant man. I'm a little worried that by living with someone, even someone a lot less dominant than that other guy, it could be a lot easier to lose myself again. Does anyone have experience with this? I've never really felt accepted by a guy before, or truly loved for being me. I've always had a lot of attention from guys, but it's usually intense and short-lived, so I've felt like I was rejected as soon as they started to get to know who I really am. So now I don't think I can quite accept how lucky I am to have this great guy who truly understands me and seems to accept me. How can I stop feeling like this?His brother is having an engagement party in 3 months and I haven't rsvp'd because it feels presumptuous to. Even though we've been together for 7 months and he wants to move in with me, I still can't believe my luck or believe that he's not going to wake up one day soon and come to his senses. Is it normal to take so long to accept that you might actually wind up happy?! Sorry for the mismatch of rambling questions. I thank you for reading it and welcome any thoughts..
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male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (12 October 2010):
 I think you might have found one of those men that almost every woman looks for. You could tell him how you feel about it, you said it yourself that you feel no pressure and you don't feel trapped. It sounds like the perfect relationship. What makes you think he hasn't already woken up and come to his senses? What makes you think that him feeling strongly about you is a dilusion? He is thinking clearly. You have to stop assuming the worst in people and yourself. You seem to think that no one can ever love the real you but you have already found someone who does! Make your choice but do not doubt.
I hope that helps.
A
female
reader, kih88  +, writes (12 October 2010):
 It might seem strange to do this because you because I can't tell how comfortable you are about talking about your feelings, but it might help to take a lot of what you typed here and actually say it your new boyfriend. Explain to him that you've never felt like this about another guy or had a guy treat you as well as he does and that it really feels right to you to move in with him, but you feel worried/scared because...(insert your reasons here). If he's never pressured you before, he seems like a pretty nice and sensitive guy; maybe he will appreciate what you are saying and at least understand your situation. That way, if and when you do move in with him, he knows to still not be too pushy or pressure you and let you be yourself.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (12 October 2010):
 It's very early for him to want you to move in. You have not gone through enough ups and downs. It's dangerous to involve yourself in a long term decision when you are unsure whether you accept each other. You think his intention is actually for more sex? You can try having sleep overs on the weekends. You get to know more about each other but won't feel trapped. I have a passive, submissive personality too so I am vulnerable to people bossing me around. Make sure your boyfriend is not one of those. Practice liking yourself because if you don't, then you would attract people who reinforce your self doubts.
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