A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So my boyfriend asked for a break when I told him that sometimes I feel like he's acting childish and that I feel even older than him. He is 27 and I'm 19. When I told him that, he said all the comfortableness around me is gone; as if he can't be himself, his real self around me. I apologized and I must say I'm not very good at picking my words...But is it possible to get that comfortableness back again? I love him and I can just do anything to bring back to where our relationship once were. I need advice... Okay, bring on the mean comments, I know I shouldn't have said what I said but it's already been done. All I can do is just change what will happen next because I can't change the past. Thank you in advance!
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (27 March 2012):
 I agree with both the previous posters, in the sense that I doubt he broke up just because of one single criticism, he should be supertouchy ! maybe he was already not "feeling it" for other reasons ?
The other thing is, if he starts being spontaneous and comfortable with you again, .. then he'll start acting childish again and that will piss you off again, so you have to decide if his childishness is really a deal breaker, something you can't handle,in which case you should call it quits,- or , just a part of his personality that you accept same as you accept his good traits and qualities.
Anyway, it seems to me that people gets very defensive when they are attacked with generalized statements about their personality, much better targeting specific acts and behaviours . Like, rather than telling your guy " You are such a disgusting slob " is better to say " It's not nice to see dirty socks on the floor, please remember to pick them up, will you". In your case , rather than scolding him for being childish, you should target the specific childish behaviour and suggest an alternative. Like : Let's stop watching TeleTubbies :) , why don't we watch instead... ( just an example of course, since I have no idea of what he's doing that you find childish ).
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2012): I doubt that he suddenly became uncomfortable around you just from that one comment you made. More likely is he's been feeling this way for awhile but only now is admitting to it after your comment about his childishness was the latest thing that upset him. Like, if you've been in the habit of criticizing him or judging him a lot, then this last "childish" comment - even if it's true that he does behave immaturely - is just one more criticism he has to hear from you on top of many and the last straw.
or maybe he has wanted to end the relationship for awhile but didn't know how to so was waiting and then now with your comment about him being childish he's using that as his excuse to get out of the relationship.
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