A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:are the really signs that you are meant to be with someone? Reading dating and relationship sites, one might think that the biggest relationship problem today is: there is not enough love between couples and as a result it’s just impossible to be in a loving relationship.That may be true for some few relationships but not true for most relationships. It's so very common today to find two people who in every sense of the word “love’ each other but just can’t stay together for more than a couple of weeks/months -- and can’t stay away from each other either.If you are in one of those “can’t live with and can't live without”, I have good news and bad news for you.The bad news: The insecurities, pain, anger and fear etc. that stand between you and your loved one will keep the two of you apart.The good news: The love between the two of you is so strong that it won't let go.What does that mean?It means that the main reason you’re not together is not because one person has ‘fallen out of love”, but because two people have allowed “insecurities, pain, anger and fear” run the relationship. Y’know, let the inmates run the asylum thingy. So how can you tell if the main reason you’re not together is because of “insecurities, pain, anger and fear” and not because the other person has ‘fallen out of love”? There a few very obvious signs:1. You have no doubt the other person loves you and he/she does not doubt your love for him/her. I am not talking about liking or fondness, I am talking here about "love" where you know everything about the other person and he or she knows everything about you, and you love the good, bad and ugly - all. In fact deep down inside you both know "this is it" and most of your friends and relatives think you are meant to be together. BUT for some reason the two of you can’t stay together.2. It’s been a year or more and many break-ups in between, and BOTH of you are still “trying to make it work”. You BOTH feel like giving up, but something “more powerful than both of you” just won’t let you give up.3. Both of you recognize that there is a “problem”, have talked about it openly and freely, and each has taken responsibility for their part in the relationship not working out; and each time you get back together, you both sincerely and genuinely try to “make it work this time” but a few weeks/months later, you’re broken up again.4. The relationship ends with no “harsh words” but with something like: “You know I love you”; or “You’re the best thing that ever happened to me, but things just can’t work out”; or “I want you to be happy and this is what is best"; or “I want what is best for you”; etc.5. Even when you are broken up, it still feels like you’re ”dating”-- you text or call each other regularly; have great conversations; talk about the break-up with no bad feelings; and even go out as “friends” and really have a great time. In other words, your relationship is best when you’re broken up. 6. Both of you have tried “dating other people” but it’s just “not the same”. The new man/woman is great, treats you right and all, but you don’t feel the same way you feel for your ex. 7. Every time you get back together, the relationship is “better than the last time” and both of you recognize and acknowledge the “change” but deep inside you both know it’s still not enough to keep you together. 8. You’re reading this list and it’s like this article was written just for you. Every single “sign” above is exactly what is happening in your relationship. You’ve known you were “meant to be together” but this seems like a confirmation.But wait! If ALL these 8 things are happening in your relationship, (and I mean ALL, not just one of them) it means that you have got a real good thing going on -- and yours could be one of those “meant to be” relationships.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (27 March 2012):
 No, it means you have very dysfunctional ideas about love and relationships. It means you 'd benefit from working with a good Cognitive Behavioural Therapist to get rid of your warped perceptions, and to rid yourself of what you call love but therapists call " Emotional / Affective Addiction ". What you describe ( a recurring pattern of breaking up / making up ; fully realizing that , regardless of your best intentioned effort, the relationship is not working and not going anywhere, yet being completely unable to make a clear cut ; always yeraning for something that experienece has shown you as bringing turmoil and negativities in your life ) has got nothing to do with destiny, very little with love, and a whole lot with a frail sense of self, codependence, abandonment issues - and , at your age, probably hormons :).
Read " Women who love too much " by Robin Norwood, it has got interesting insights and useful advice for all the women who find themselves stuck in the dysfunctional ,limitating, emotionally damaging pattern that you naively identify with true love.
A
female
reader, Peace-seeker +, writes (27 March 2012):
Thank you for your insight. Well written.
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