A
female
age
41-50,
*ery Very Confused
writes:Dear Cupid,My boyfriend and I broke up for a couple of months.We got back together and at the time I only let himback because he said he had not been with any otherwoman. I have since found out that he spent a week during our seperation with another woman, he had sex with her and he gave the woman $3000 towards buying acar. I am very confused. He said that he has always loved me and I cannot understand how he could sleep with another woman if he was in love with me. I found photos of them together. I am having a very hard time I have asked my boyfriend to move out but I am so confused. Am I over reacting? My boyfriend said he lied to me about the other woman because he knew that I would not take him back if I knew and that he could not bear that because he loves me so much. Help!!!!
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female
reader, Very Very Confused +, writes (11 March 2013):
Very Very Confused is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell here I am again, it has been a very trying time. My boyfriend ended up staying but I truly hated that he had slept with another woman while we were apart. I have had a very hard time dealing with these emotions and lets just say I have been very angry and we had a lot of arguments because of my anger. I asked him to move out last week and he did the only problem is one minute I love him and the next minute I hate him. I think that I made an awful mistake by kicking him out one day and the next day I think it is the best thing that I ever did. He has told me that he would never lie to me again and that he has not and will not have any contact with the woman again and I believe him. But I am so confused he said that the other woman means nothing to him and that he came back to me because he loves me. What do I do I am very confused?
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2012): I was with g girl for 3 years. We had an argument and split up. We got back together, when i then found out she had spent time with a guy within 2 days of us breaking up. I ended it because, like you, i could not believe or accept that she could move on just like that to someone else after 3 years if she really loved me.
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A
female
reader, Staceily  +, writes (6 November 2012):
 IF it was only sex and you were separated and he was truthful about it I would say give him another go. But the facts as I see them are this- he has sex with another woman, gave her $3000 (holy crap), took pictures with her, and he lied to your face about even the existence of another woman. Sorry but I'm not seeing how this was a meaningless sex fling and he was in love with you. You don't give such a large amount of money to someone who means nothing to you, and you don't take pictures and do things with a woman you knew and only talked to for a week. I think there is more to this than you are getting information about. I'd keep him away and say you definitely made the right decision.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2012): "He said that he has always loved me and I cannot understand how he could sleep with another woman if he was in love with me."He's not in love with you, he lied. "I am having a very hard time I have asked my boyfriend to move out but I am so confused. Am I over reacting?"No, but boyfriend just you to think you're overreacting and he wants you to be confused so he doesn't have to move out, which he hasn't and which he won't."My boyfriend said he lied to me about the other woman because he knew that I would not take him back if I knew and that he could not bear that because he loves me so much. Help!!!!"He lied to you about the other woman because he knew that you would not take him back if you knew and that he could not bear that because it is so easy for him to shamelessly and brazenly take advantage of you.I respectfully suggest to aunts who have offered the "they were both single" defense that you have conveniently overlooked that boyfriend LIED about what he did when "they were both single" when getting back together. OP, your scumbag boyfriend is insulting both your intelligence and your dignity, but only because you're letting him. Males can't disrespect females who respect themselves. Muster up some self-respect, dignity, and pride and dump this lying, cheating loser.
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A
female
reader, Jeanette82  +, writes (6 November 2012):
 Everyone will probably say you was not with him, so it is nothing to do with you. He lied because he knew you wouldnt take him back otherwise. If you cannot accept that he jumped on someone else so quickly after breaking up, then you have every right to live by your own standards. If you cannot accept what you now know then you will have to end it. If you don't then it will go forever downhill. In your situation, myself, I would try to be more forgiving and make sure you are not acting out of jealousy. I dont think it has to end if you really don't want it to.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2012): I have been in a similar situation, we broke up and after a month we got back together. He told me that he hadn't been with anyone, but i found out he had had sex with one woman and also went on few dates with her. I was crushed, i thought how he could have done that while he had said that he loved me all the time, and wanted me back. Well, at some point i understood, that he was single and didn't think that i would take him back at that time, and he was lonely and sad and that's wh he did it, but it didn't mean that he didn't love me... now we have been together for many years. If you feel that he really loves you, let it go. Many people try to find comfort in other people after a breakup have sex and so on.. but it doesn't mean they don't love you..
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2012): It's true if he was single then that's fair enough but you need to make sure there are no strings attatched with this girl if he is serious aboutbeing taken back. In my experience it hurts less when guys are honest with you in this kind of predicament, the fact you found out after you'd made a choice is harsh, but I don't see why you can't stay together provided he knows he was wrong to lie, if against the odds you have a good relationship you can overcome this in time.
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A
male
reader, tamperingtampaguy +, writes (6 November 2012):
To just give a sex partner 3000 bucks does not seem like a wise decision. Even if you were to work things out, that should be a huge red flag. Money is the main reason people break up. This guy is no good. Find someone else.
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