A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:First off, I'm 15 going on 16 in a couple of days; my boyfriend is ELEVEN years older than me. We've been together for 7 months and I do really like him, but every single month I've tried to end it because he's made me feel like sh*t, I have really really low confidence and he always targets that when we argue. He never takes no for an answer, when I try and end it he goes mental and threatens to come to my house and "teach me a lesson", even when he's calmer in arguments he'll say stuff like "you might as well drop out of college now, when you move up to (place I’m going) you'll regret it." which scares me the most, at the moment I live in the middle of no where, the place where the college is at is completely new to me and my boyfriend is the only one i know there, that's why it scares me so much, I’ve been accepted in but all i can think of is how am i going to get past him? :(About 3 months into the relationship he pressured me into having sex, I'm not completely blaming him because i could have easily said no because this was before he started getting violent. Now, when we argue he threatens to tell my parents "everything" (he makes up stuff that is completely disgusting.) me and my parents are so close and it would kill them if they heard what he makes up.Less than a week ago he was staying over; my parents trusted me and him enough so they went for a little week off, Y’know so it was only me and my boyfriend. First day there he was fine, then he looked on my computer and saw that i was talking to other guys (mates from school) and he went mental! he slapped me (i have a bruise on the side of my face, he says he's gonna tell my parents i begged him to do it in sex.) the next day we went out with my dog and when we were out of site he slapped me around the side of my face with the leash (didn't leave a mark) and when i went back in tears he held me down on the bed and said "shut up, i know you like this."I just don't know what to do :( i shouldn't have to deal with this yet! I can't end it and i can't tell my parents because college is so important to me :(
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 May 2009): Not another woman afraid of men! FIGHT BACK! If he hit me id bust him open! hit the asshole as well as ditch him how hard can it be
A
female
reader, pebble +, writes (20 May 2009):
 Sweetie, the second you tell your parents he's hitting they'll do everything within their power to make sure he doesn't come near you. That's what you need to do. Otherwise you'll spend the next few years under his control with him ruining your life. Is that what you want?
Tell them. They will help you. Tell them how scared you are. Tell them he's threatened to tell them lies (I don't think he would do that, he knows your scared of that so that why he says it) - they're not going to believe him over you if you go to them first.
You can go to the police about the underage sex and the violence and he will be arrested. You can get a restraining order against him meaning he will go to prison if he comes anywhere near you or your family.
You just need TO TELL YOUR PARENTS WHAT HE'S DOING. Please, you cannot deal with this on your own. If you don't do something soon then this will carry on forever. Next time it might be a broken bottle or a knife that he hits you in the face with.
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A
female
reader, jayne_staaa +, writes (20 May 2009):
oh and if he tries to tell your parents anything don't worry cause he'll be the one that goes to prison for a long time. so i doubt he'd be doin that
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A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (20 May 2009):
 Ok sweety you have to get out of this now, this guy is abusing you and he knows he can get away with it. Firstly, college will be fine without your boyfriend. You already have your place therefore you dont need him for anything. You will make friends on your course, everyone else will be in the same position as you so they will all be very friendly. Dont use college as an excuse to stay with him - your boyfriend is in no way related to it. You need to leave him anyway otherwise he would only get in the way of your studies, he is completely irrelevant to your success here so try not to let this stop you leaving him.
Getting out of an abusive relationship is tricky, and he clearly knows as a full grown man going out with a teenager that he is in a position of power that he can easily abuse. You need to tell your parents right away. Before you leave your boyfriend, tell your parents everything, from how he has hit you to the threats he makes about your sexual relationship. If you come clean to them and explain everything, then even if your boyfriend does try and tell your parents something bad about you, they wont believe him. Your parents are the only ones who can help you here - and they will love you no matter what happens or what they hear from him.
Your parents love you unconditonally, and they will do whatever they can to protect you. They will be very upset when you tell them but not with you, they will be very upset with him that he would do this to their daughter. Now I imagine they might want to go to the police - this decision is entirely up to you. You have been a victim of domestic abuse and he deserves to be punished for this, he has broken the law and this is a very serious matter and you can be the one who stops him so he doesnt do this to anyone else. But if you dont feel strong enough to go through the whole process with the police then that is ok too, the most important thing is that you leave him and he is out of your life for good.
I suggest you dont even tell him you are breaking up with him, just change your phone number, email address etc and make sure he cant get in touch with you. Then call the police and ask for a restraining order (you dont have to press charges for domestic abuse in this case, but having a restraining order will mean that he cant come near you ever again). You can get this man out of your life - you deserve to be happy and treated properly, not abused by some poor excuse of a man who is old enough to know better. You are the victim here and it will all be ok, but first of all you really need to tell someone so you can get help. You cannot do this alone, serious action needs to be taken against this man and you are too young to be handling this all on your own.
Please tell your parents right away, you will feel like a weight has been lifted as soon as you tell them. I wish you all the best, no-one should have to go through such a horrible ordeal especially at your age. This man deserves to be locked up for what he is doing to you, he is a poor excuse for a human being. Remember everything will be just fine as long as you tell someone what is going on and get him out of your life.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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A
female
reader, jayne_staaa +, writes (20 May 2009):
right okay hunni your 15, eleven years older nah shame on your parents. when i was 16 i got with a guy 20 years older but thats legal like, and im not in the slightest judging u but i need u to understand hes not guna change for anyone, your the only one that can get out of this relationship. And u could have easily said you didn't wana yeh but you would have got more abuse for it. i have really low confidence too and you can't let this guy think he has won.
you deserve so much better, don't give up on your chance to grow up and meet people you will feel so alone. please i urge you to get out of this relationship your being treated like an animal. im so mad at your parents right now for allowing this. you seem so mature but believe me i've been where you are but your in it worse. some guys are just nasty and they wont ever change do you wana live your life in fear of the next slap?
you need to call the police next time he does that, because he can go to prison for alot of things one being rape and to hit a minor its against the law. you need to tell your parents too, and i know its hard to admit your relationship isn't working especially if you have fought for it, so if you choose to call the police thats your decision but tell your parents what hes doing and delete his number and his email and anything of his give it back and go to college, if your parents really love you they will believe you over this man. this guy is the worst kind of lowlife you will ever encounter hunni but unless u cut all ties you'll never grow up, you'll be stuck in this little friendless bubble and its sucha lonely place.
i know you probably think it's all your fault and if you just changed your behaviour right now because hes made you feel like your worth nothing but u can go so far you've been accepted into college. as soon as your unhappy in a relationship it has to end. to be struck shows he has no respect for u and that he never will. you stand upto him your so brave for your age, you shouldn't have to deal with this at all but no agony aunt or amount of posts they leave can convince you to leave him.
you can be pregnant, living with an abusive man, friendless, unable to futhur your education.
or
you can be having fun takin time to really grow up making loads of new mates and meeting a guy who knows how to love you and wouldn't harm a hair on your head. and getting the job of your dreams, really making something of yourself
you seem like a very mature and clever girl but theres so much that you still need to learn and what you need to learn right now is non of this is your fault. your parents are wrong and your boyfriend is an evil person. you can't change him. i bet when its bad it outweighs all the good times.
i wish you the best hunni xxx
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A
female
reader, sashana  +, writes (20 May 2009):
 Iam so sorry to hear that you're going through such a violent relationship like this,you are so young.that coward you call your boy needs to be put in his place!
First of all,how dare him put his hands on you!like your his property,he have disrespected you mentally and physically.Listen sweety,you need to talk to a grown up,this guy is just using his head on you to get you scared,fillig your head with crap!
think,if he tells your parents you nd him both would be in d same trouble,worst your parents are going to hate or resent him,as for you they are going to be disappointed in you and it wont be forever.just be mentally strong and stand up and tell that son of a b*tch that he can go and tell your parents cause you dnt care and if he put his hands on you your going to the police.
Its time for you t useyour head on him be mentally strong and exit this unhealthy relationship:)
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A
male
reader, bugmenot3  +, writes (20 May 2009):
ok first of all why the hell are you going out with a guy 11 years older then you this is what you have to do
1.Tell Your Parents
2.Break up(if he tells you hes ganna hurt you go to the cops
3.Tell the cops he forced you to sex
4.get a restraining order on him
5.get on with your life and dont go out with older guys
that crazy ass freak deserves to go to jail make him see how it feel to get forced into sex
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A
male
reader, higrob24 +, writes (20 May 2009):
Call the police. Tell your parents. He is abusive and has in the eye of the law raped you, regardless of you wanting to have sex or not. Your 15 for christ sake. What on earth is a 26yr old doing with a 15 year old.
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