A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I've been going out with my girlfriend now for several years. Sometimes things are good, but a lot of the time I just want to end the relationship. We argue a lot and then just end up making up again. Much of my love for her has died and I now care for her more than love her.This has been going on for a long time and fear of hurting her has stopped me from splitting up in the past.As time goes on I realise that there is no alternative and I have to face up to the fact that we will go our seperate ways up sooner or later. I think perhaps I'm being a bit weak as she relies on me a lot and my leaving will not be at all easy on her. The one saving grace is that we have no kids and are not married.My question is: When do I split up with her? Read on...To make things more complicated, we are currently traveling around the world and shall be for the next 4 months. Should I break it off now thousands of miles from home, wait until just before we return back (maybe a week or two) or wait until we get back? I'm tempted to wait, but aren't sure if it's me being weak and putting off the inevitable. Also, the closer to returning home we get, the more she talks of future plans and our life together.Furthermore, I feel myself becoming more unpatient with her as time goes on and hiding my feelings from her is becoming increasingly difficult. I don't think this is fair on her or me, but the next few months will be spent with other friends and her family that she's been looking forward to seeing all this time.She has actually asked me outright if I'm having second thoughts about our relationship so is obviously picking up on my change in behavior. Please help!!! Any thoughts would be truly appreciated.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2010): Thank you all for your replies. I really appreciate them and think you're talking sense. I guess I know deep down, what you have all advised is the best thing to do and fairest on her.
Plans can be changed but I really hope we can some how work things out and continue traveling together until the end of the trip as friends but I guess that scenario is in the lap of the gods (or of course down to her).
Thanks again everyone :-)
A
female
reader, mystiquek  +, writes (18 October 2010):
 I actually had something like this happen to me, I was on the receiving end of the break up. PLEASE DO IT SOONER THAN LATER! I went on a 10 day vacation with my then boyfriend, it had been planned for months, all reservations paid, $$ spent..you get the idea..
He was acting weird from the start..I knew something was wrong, but he wouldn't say anything...even though I kept asking. He just kept getting more and more weird, colder, and saying little things here and there that were hurtful. I can't tell you how many times I would go out and cry during the trip. I KNEW something was wrong, but he wouldn't tell me!
He waited until he went back home, and then broke up with me on the phone. It was HORRIBLE! I would have had a much better time if he had just been up front and I could have been hurt, but at least I wouldn't have been wondering the whole time. I mean, at least we could have talked things out, and decided what to do, rather than "kind of sort of" pretending everything was ok, when obviously it wasn't! We talked things out and stayed friends, but it hurt me for the longest time that he wouldn't be honest with me about things.
Obviously she's going to be hurt, and like the others have suggested, I think it would be wise if you decide to have an alternative plan..where to stay, or whether you can go home..but I wouldn't keep dragging things out. It isn't fair to either of you, and who knows, you might get really upset and lash out at her and spill the beans anyways..best just to pick the time, sit her down and calmly explain that you care, but just can't be with her anymore.
I hope this helped you, trust me, I wish my ex had been upfront with me. Trust me, I think your girlfriend already knows something isn't quite right.
I hope things don't end terribly for you two and you can at least be friends.
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A
male
reader, morris_say +, writes (18 October 2010):
There's never a good time to split up with someone, but you can't go on burying your feelings. The longer you drag it out, the worse it will be for the both of you. I'd suggest doing it during the day (you'll probs have a lot to say to each other and the later in the day it gets the more tired and emotional people can be) and hopefully you're somewhere that's near an airport/in a hostel that has another spare room, so that if she wants space she can get some. You may have to consider changing your travel plans too if some of the travelling involves her family - you might not be very welcome around them..Having said that, perhaps you just need to say that you're having doubts to start with, but it does sound like you've made your mind up. If I were you I couldn't wait any longer to do it, but at the end of the day everyone's different and what might work for me might not work for you. Whatever you decide to do, don't regret it and don't lie about it.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (18 October 2010):
 This is a really hard decision as if you are both away for the next four months then timing in not exactly best at the moment.
Could it be possible that you could cut your travels four months early and get a flight back home? If it is possible then tell her now tell her you are sorry and that you still care for her and really wished you werent hurting her but that your heart is not in the relationship anymore.
The longer you hold on to this the more you will resent your girlfriend and end up picking on her for no reason at all so its best that you do this sooner rather than later.
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