A
female
age
30-35,
*ubyrose
writes:in the beginning of a relationship, i know people say go at a pace your comfortable but im just wanting to know the average amount of time before/ maximum amount of time guys expect1. girls take their tops off while making out2. hand jobs3. blow jobs4. sex
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2010): Take your time miss. Yeah, no rush. You are thinking things thru very well here and Im sure your BF would appreciate this as it seems you care a lot about the relationship :)
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (19 November 2010):
 You are right, it's not necessary to tell him now why you aren't comfortable doing things below the belt. Even people who aren't virgins are not comfortable with activities below the belt so soon. It takes time, for all of us. You don't need an excuse for why you don't want to have sex! It's reason enough that you don't want to yet.
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female
reader, rubyrose +, writes (19 November 2010):
rubyrose is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni meant i feel a bit shy telling him that i havent been in any relationships before..
of course i will tell him im a virgin later on when i know him better, but i dont feel it necessary to bring up now as a way of explaining why im not comfortable with doing other things below the belt
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female
reader, chigirl +, writes (18 November 2010):
Questioning your history? That sounds unusual to me. If a guy is with you he should be focusing on you, not your history, right? Not sure what you mean about that one.
Yes, especially those who have experience with relationship will know to take their time. Not being a virgin doesn't mean you have some obligation to sleep with anyone who wants sex.... Your body belongs to you! Even if you have a boyfriend your body is never his, it is yours. Experienced or not, you are never expected to do anything that you are not comfortable with.
However, if you aren't getting comfortable with your guy (and have no particular reason for waiting longer with sex) then that just means he isn't the one for you.
Guys will expect sex once you marry them though. And a healthy sexlife is good for a relationship, but this is a game of give and take, and about desiring to please your partner, not about expectations and routine.
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female
reader, rubyrose +, writes (18 November 2010):
rubyrose is verified as being by the original poster of the questionyeah i dont plan on having sex until love so he is deffinetely not getting that out of me...
as for the other things, im inexperienced and shy so those will only come about once i have enough trust in him that he isnt just after favours etc...
so even if you're experienced in relationships, you're able to wait as long as you're comfortable right (whether that be months)? its not so unusual that he will start questioning my history?
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2010): For starters, you have been misguided. If any guy tells you or your friends tell you, they "expect" xyz when they are with you.... later dude. It just doesn't work that way, except for niave girls or girls who think this is the way to get or keep a guy.
You go at your own pace and what YOU are ready for. You may try something and find out you are NOT ready for it, and you need to let him know. If the guy you are with cares for you and respects you, he will wait until you are both ready and want whatever it might be. Build a relationship on trust.
Be safe and responsible, and plan for birth control prior to having sex, not after the fact. And keep in mind, if the person you are with has been with other's in the past and had unprotected sex (oral or intercourse), they could have an STD, so protect yourself always!!!
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female
reader, chigirl +, writes (18 November 2010):
I never took my top off while making out. If I take my top off thats during sex, or when going to do something erotic, so I don't see the connection between making out and taking the top off. I expect the guy will have to drop his shirt as well then, or at least long before you ever do...
Second point: you DO take your time. If guy's expect something it is only based on what their friends have told them (which is many cases are exaggerations) or their experience with past relationships. This can vary, so you should talk to your boyfriend about these things. If you tell him you need at least 6 months before having sex, then he'll expect to have to wait for 6 months. If you tell him you want to wait until you are comfortable, then he will expect that. If you are a virgin, then naturally people will be ok with waiting longer.
There is no rule and no one should really be expecting anything here. But, I think what you want to know is what's typical? The "typical", and I can only base this on my own experience in relationships, is that you do things when you want to do them. BUT: if you lead up to sex, THEN he will expect it. Like if you constantly rub his pants, he will think you want sex. If you ask him to stay the night he will expect sex. It's all because you are leading him into it though. If you do none of these things he shouldn't be expecting them either.
If a boy asks you to stay the night, you should expect sex. So if you don't want sex you need to say no. If you don't want to get sexual yet, don't lead him on, don't act overly sexual around him, don't place his hands on your boobs, don't rub his pants, don't lay on his bed and tug at his shirt... And make it clear exactly when you think you will be ready to take the next step.
As for me.. let's see, I've never had a guy waiting for me to do sexual stuff, it's often been the other way around. I like to wait a few weeks after making the relationship official, and then I do all of the above 1-4 points in one night.
By the way, make your own list of what YOU are supposed to get. You should get hand jobs and lickings just as often as him. He needs to serve your needs as well. Don't make it all about HIS pleasure. If he wants a blow job he can give you an orgasm first.
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2010): I'll mirror what cerebrus has stated doll. Good advice there I feel and nothing Id wish to add. Good luck :)
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male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (18 November 2010):
 Sex can wait, a long, long time in my opinion. A couple of months into the relationship should focus on romance and truly getting to know one another or getting comfortable with the relationship. I suppose the most I would wait is about a year or two depending on circumstance. No need to rush.
I hope that helps.
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