A
male
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Hello, a very misleadingly simple question... at what point in a relationship can one justify using 'love' as opposed to the elements of infatuation to describe the mutual feelings between the two involved? As a mere teen-ager, I find the often-used term 'like' to be most unsuitable and unexpressive. But I also believe that at our age we cannot possibly appreciae true love as two adults might define it. Thoughts? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2011): Thank you all, I greatly appreciate these detailed and well-reasoned answers. As a follow-up thought, I think it'd be perfectly fine if I used the term so long as I have an understanding of its full implications as set forth here. I shall keep these responces in mind as I build my way up to, hopefully, a wife, and for the time inbetween, I'll simply continue to raise the standard of 'love' each time a new emotional fufillment (but still relative to the answers given here) is achieved. Seeing as though my current fortunate circumstances warrent such a description, I think I'll use the term. "I love you" sounds much more sincere than "I really like you" anyway, ha-ha!
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male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (31 January 2011):
 Give teenagers a little more credit, the more mature ones at least. The truth is, I doubt anyone really ever understands what love is, most people, young or old still take it for granted whilst others devote themselves to their partners because they can see what love truly means. Some teenagers do feel love and they say "I love you" to their girlfriends or boyfriends and they end up staying in that for the next decade or more. That is love. No one ever really knows when they can declare that they 'love' someone, it all depends on how strongly you feel, if it surpasses anything you have ever felt before, I think it is safe enough to claim you are in love.
I hope that helps.
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reader, empty-1 +, writes (31 January 2011):
I commend your astute and eloquently articulated understanding, overly mature though it is for your age, that the word speaks to a concept quite beyond the comprehension of most modern adolescents.In its most basic form, love is most appropriately used to describe both an emotional state, as well as the active practice of value and worth for another. The emotional incentive to spend time and effort on the gratification of another because that others' gratification is a greater reward than we would receive by spending that time and effort merely on ourselves.I would warn you to guard against some common misconceptions. Love is not a relationship. The two concepts -can- and even -may- coexist. However, as often as not, a relationship becomes a form of mutual possession. Mutual love can be observed to be based on trust and value, and two individuals who are mutually in love will be observed to happily sacrifice for one another, to work together toward common goals, to trust the actions and words of one another, and to hold themselves to the trust they know the other has in them. Attraction, infatuation, passion, lust, obsession, these all can mimic some aspects of love relations, and some intoxicating mix of these is usually what most of us will remember as our first brushes with love.I would, however, say that love can be truly recognized when -both- partners understand and commit to the fact that the two as a unit can synergise the relationship, and the feeling they create together is more than the sum of its parts. Both partners will need to come to the understanding that commitment takes work, investment, time, effort, and sacrifice. That they will both be giving up some freedoms and privilidges that they may otherwise have enjoyed, and that they do not mind doing so, because the reward is more than commeasurate with the sacrifice.When both partners are able to recognise these things, within themselves, within their partner, and between them in the context of the relationship, then there is more at work than the intoxicating mix we all feel as teens. It is then perfectly acceptable to aknowledge this synergy as Love.
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reader, Birdman21 +, writes (31 January 2011):
Your half right. I'm one of the people who believes that you can be In love more than once. I told my girlfriend I loved her for the first time when I was intoxicated, around 6 months into our relationship. I was afraid it was too soon, but she said she had been feeling the same way for about a month. This obviously varies from couple to couple though. There is no set standard. I've heard negative gossip about couple who said it after a month (in my opinion too soon), and talked to girls and guys about having not said it a year plus in (too long IMO if you see the person regularly enough.
I would argue that as a 16+ year old you ARE capable of feeling love as an "adult" might define it. Don't forget that couples dated and married back in the day as young as 15, because again, reproductively, humans only really function until 35-40. (obviously nutrition, society and science have changed that, but the life cycle of an organism is Birth-Sexual Maturity-Reproduction-Death) Humans activate biologically around 14 or 15, so chemically, you are capable of feeling intense romantic attachment to another person really from the early stages of puberty. While you might not be wise enough yet to define your feelings, control or understand them you can definitely feel an intense love for someone at 16 or 17 that rivals or exceeds the love found in a relationship at 30 or older. (People marry their high-school sweet hearts right?)
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reader, shawncaff +, writes (31 January 2011):
 You are right about this being a "misleadingly simple question"; in fact, it is a great, albeit very difficult question.My thought is that you are right in thinking there is a difference between infatuation and love. Infatuation is at the outset of an affair. It's fueled by sex, personality, romance. Infatuation inevitably dissipates, as the two people get to know one another and discover their flaws, and quirks, and the challenges of a relationship appear.So when does it become love? It becomes love when two people are no longer carried away by the stream of romance and have to contribute and put effort into the relationship. When demands are made on each partner in terms of trust, honesty, understanding, forgiveness, and sacrifice of time and money and energy.I do not mean this to sound like infatuation is fun and love is burdensome! On the contrary, love is more deep and satisfying than infatuation, and it is the basis for two souls really allowing each to know one another, which is a great kind of fun.In short, infatuation happens, but love is an action. When you are engaged in the work of love, you know you have crossed the line.
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