A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my girl 6 years on and off. From the start she has hidden things like texting ex's(denied for 1 year until he told me), joining dating sites, calling me by the wrong name, phone calls from males and then lies as she's unaware I'm not deaf - Phoning males. Basically everything but being caught red handed. Anything I have asked has been replied with aggression or claims of mental abuse. Her own behavior which I find profound is jealous and insecure. What I don't understand is she takes it badly if we break up (still active on dating sites though). I am finding myself hating her. Is it time to quit and accept we won't work.
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female
reader, loving arms +, writes (6 March 2009):
move on mate, get someone who gives your relationship as much as you do. The longer you let this lady play you for a fool the worse her behaviour will become. I think you have given it long enough. Good luck for the future xx
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2009): She`s untrustworthy. Aimee L is 100% correct. She will always make you unhappy.
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A
female
reader, Aimee L +, writes (6 March 2009):
Yes I was in a similar relationship with a guy years ago. And it stripped me of my personality and took all my confidence. I was a shell of my old self. It drains you.It stops you from being the real you. Ask yourself one question, "When was the last time I smiled"?If you can't remember you have your answer. Also ask yourself, "Do I have to pretend to be someone i'm not when i'm with her" or, "Does she always put me down in front of people"? . Do you feel good about yourself when your with her? Are you feeling physically sick when ever her mobile goes off? I know how that feels. You feel sick and jump every time it beeps. You want to ask who it is but you dare'nt just in case they fly off the handle. If your curiosity is doing your head in you could get a new sim card and text her pretending to be someone else.My mates set up my ex doing just that behind my back. They risked thier friendship with me as I had been putting up with that guy for two years.And I can tell you, he fell for it hook line and sinker. They sent a text saying "just had the starter, now on to the main meal", so that my ex thought that some girl had got the wrong number. Then my mates started to flirt with him. For a whole week he was texting this make believe girl.Then they got him on handfree on the mobile. He thought he was talking to (Tara). But then my mate asked him to say what he wanted to do to her.I can tell you now, when I heard what he said I grabbed that phone and told him he was f'd. And yes I finished it. Thak goodness I did. Because one year later I met the man i'm with now. And he is my soulmate. He accepts me for me. And he never flirts with other women.He respects me and cares for me.He is there for me to push me up when i'm down.And he 3 years on he still makes me laugh, and we're still madly in love.So, my advice to you is IT'S TIME FOR CHANGE.Do it for yourself, noone else.And only you can do it, noone else. You'll be amazed how free you feel when your out of that relationship. I felt like a weight had been lifted. I had permission to be happy and be me again. I started to laugh again.GO FOR IT. Let us know the outcome.Take care.Remember you don't have to put up with this, and your real love, she is waiting out there for you, so do it.Take care x
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (6 March 2009):
 Move on, she's a lost cause. You deserve better and she do not deserve you.
If she gets upset.. Tough cookies.
I would (if I were in your shoes) dump her and tell her no contact.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2009): You are a fool if you think she`s never cheated on you.
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A
male
reader, ArmyMedic +, writes (6 March 2009):
 Yeah time for her to go and don't listen to any of the emotional blackmail that will follow! You'll be amazed how much happier you will be by cutting contact with her.
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A
female
reader, wonderingcat +, writes (6 March 2009):
 Yes it is. Quit. She is abusing you. You are showing clear symptoms of victim of a long term mental abuse: questioning your self-worth, low esteem (in your relationship with her).
Here's a link from today, that you can catch up on reading:
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/two-faced-ex-i-still-love.html
Men can be victims of abuse too, you know. It is just that society forms the opinion that it is men who are supposed to protect and respect women. That is why many men suffer in silence when they become victims of abuse. But gues what. Men need love and respect as much as women do.
Your girl is not really your girl if she is still "looking" on dating sites. Being on dating sites also means that she telling people that she is "available". She shows no remorse.
Abusing you is not a good way to address her insecurities. She is an adult. If she has insecurity issues, and she loves you dearly, she and you would try to support each other when she addresses the issue (professionally, or through self learning)
Move on. You deserve better.
Cat
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2009): leave her. no one deserves to be treated like that... she definitely sounds like a cheater.
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A
female
reader, hotmamma +, writes (6 March 2009):
i think that you should go your own way,if there is no trust why be in that relionship from what you have said she seems to drave attention and it isn't enough from you which is selfish in her bahalf.you desereve better
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2009): you have no choice but to quit. not suprisinly you feel hate. if you stay you could end up on serios assault charge or end up harming yuorself
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2009): YES it is time to move on. Seriously how many terrible things does she need to do to you? You should not continue to be this girls whipping boy. You could be spending this time you are wasting on her with someone who treats you right. You give her the power to hurt you and then she turns it around and makes it like YOU are mentally abusing HER? Sounds like she could use a little mental help maybe. She doesnt deserve you, you sound like a great guy. Good luck to you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2009): Unless you enjoy your head being played with,i suggest you leave.
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