A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have always wanted to have a baby and my boyfriend of 5 years knows this. I am 19 and he is 20. He used to say he wanted one but in 5/10 years time when we have settled down and got money behind us. We both work and he is earning £18,000 a year and I am earning £16,500. I work from home because I set up my own business when I left school. The business is doing really well and I love my job. I regularly do Betterware on the side and earn an extra £5,000 a year from this. I was talking to him the other day after I had watched One Born Every Minute and was saying how much I can’t wait to start a family and he said that he wanted to try. I was so shocked and couldn’t really believe it. He told me that he had been thinking about it for a while and said that we will always find reasons to not try and if we wait till we are ready we will never get round to it. After talking about this I said that we should at least wait until we have moved out and are living together. We both decided that we wanted this to happen as soon as possible and said we would save £10,000 each every year so that we could afford a deposit (we have managed with a salary of £6,000 before when we was working on minimum wage and we could afford board, car insurance and tax along with petrol and money to spend on ourselves). If we do this for 3 years we should have about £60,000 deposit. We have been looking at houses and have seen lots of 3 bed semi detached houses for around £100,00-£120.000 would this be possible given our salary each year?As well as this we have both been looking at baby things such as the pram, cot, car seat and bouncers etc. We picked out the ones that we liked and the cost of this was around £1500. This is without clothes, nappies, toys and the rest of the things but this I can buy with the Betterware money and that means we have money to decorate and spoil our baby. If you were in our situation would waiting 3 years be best as I know we will be amazing parents. We both love each other so much and I know I will be the best mum I could possibly be. I’m just so excited and happy about this next stage in my life but does this plan sound like a good one?I would just like to add I am on the pill and have never missed one and will continue taking it till we have moved out.
View related questions:
money, moved out, the pill Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Denise32  +, writes (28 August 2012):
 Well, you have been together for five plus years, are doing well financially and intend to buy a house then start a family -something you both want.
I have one question for you: what is preventing you from getting married?
It doesn't have to be a big wedding (unless you want it to be) and can be in a registry office if you don't want a religious ceremony.
I know lots of couples do just live together and have children. I also know marriages sometimes end in divorce eventually. It's just that there are advantages to making it legal........
Good luck!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2012): You sound like a very sensible person (makes a nice change I might add!). I think your plan of waiting a bit is excellent. I'm training to be a primary teacher and have seen so many instances where children are not receiving an appropriate amount of love/attention/nourishment at home due to parents worrying about money and other matters. I suspect most of these cases were down to the parents not being careful in all honesty, which sounds awful, but its a harsh reality sadly.So by waiting, you're ensuring that you and your partner can be supportive, loving parents and be comfortable financially :) I'm not really up on mortgages and stuff, so can't really help you there. Remember you're young - I'm also 19 and would freak at the thought of having a child just now! I take my hat off to you, goos luck with everything :) x
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2012): At your age it's a good idea to wait three years to GET MARRIED FIRST, a concept your post completely ignores and overlooks, and then start PLANNING to have a baby.
Raising a child requires a lifetime obligation and commitment; shacking up together as bedmates does not, either party can walk on a second's notice no matter how long you've been playing house. If I was a female I could not even consider the possibility of letting a guy who was unwilling to make a commitment knock me up with a kid whom I had no guarantee or assurance he'd stick around to raise.
You'll be even more "amazing" parents if your kid(s) grow up knowing they are the loved, wanted, and planned child(ren) of two loving, stable, mature, grounded, married-once, married-for-life parents who did everything possible to give them the best start in life, including making a legal and spiritual commitment to each other BEFORE they began planning their family. I know; my siblings and I products of such a relationship now in our 50's and 60's.
...............................
A
male
reader, mistermann +, writes (28 August 2012):
I read your post and felt genuinely excited and pleased for you. I like nothing more than a good plan, and yours seems well thought through and driven by a real enthusiasm for life.You both seem happy with one another, you are both realistic and you aren't rushing into things unprepared.In terms of purchasing a house and getting a mortgage, one of the important things in addition to having a decent wage and deposit is to have a good credit score. Make sure that you keep your bank accounts in order and pay your bills on time, amongst other things. But, certainly with your wages, the large deposit you will have saved and the price of houses you are looking at, you stand a good chance of getting a mortgage.One bit of advice I'd give you, is don't set yourself a completely rigid time frame, it might put you under too much pressure and stress. As much as we plan and prepare, things around us don't always go to plan and there are unforeseen circumstances we have to cater for both financially and emotionally.We can never predict the state of the economy, the willingness of the banks to lend, the jobs market or house prices. Things may be drastically different in three years time, for the better or for the worse.You both seem to be very sensible, so if it is what you both want, keep moving forward with your plan. When you're ready financially and emotionally - you are ready and you can start to put parts of your plan in action. I wouldn't say that you are necessarily waiting 3 years to start a family, I'd say that you have started already by planning your future together and working hard to get where you want to be.I really admire you both, and wish you the best for the future.Here are a couple of useful links, one about credit scoring and one about mortgages that you may find helpful:http://www.moneysavingexpert.com/loans/credit-rating-credit-scorehttp://www.moneysavingexpert.com/mortgages/mortgage-guide
...............................
|
