A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am a 27 year old female and i have never had a boyfriend or been in love. For most of my life, I have justified it with the fact that I have not met the right person... and while that is partly true... I have also never been asked out by any guy. The guys that have been interested have always been just wrong... either they are way older than me [my father's age] or they are not even close to my type [ and i have had to scale down on my "type criteria" coz being older i realise that it is limiting and a little immature. I dont know what the problem is. physically am a little bigger [ but i know of people including friends who are twice my size and have had boyfriend(s) since they were 16]...I also have thinner friends that have never had boyfriends [ so the physical part is not a good enough reason]. I am intelligent [I have a bachelors and two masters degree...and will be starting my PHD in a couple of months.this is considered success where I come from[ where most women are uneducated and married by 23],I also make a good living [so am not money minded that would want a man just to get money from him]. My friends say I am humble [despite where I'm at in life compared to some of them], they say I am funny and fun to be around. I think I should be able to attract someone thats good for me. I just dont know why it hasnt happened for me yet. My social skills are ok... i get along with people great... when i get comfortable enough to get to know them [ which is rare coz i have a deep fear of rejection and so I never ever make the first move! if am interested in someone, I will never approach them unless they make the first move]..so i guess I may seem aloof and unapproachable.. idk]. However I feign confidence when i need to [ I do things afraid but do them anyway]..very few people actually know that I am quite shy. Point is: I am not that bad a catch... i think!I have never been concerned as I am now because I am not getting any older and I feel like a failure in this particular area of my life. any advice?
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confidence, immature, money, never had a boyfriend, shy Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all. I have now joined a church group where I hope to meet lots of people. I just need to get out of my own way and approach people first [even for just a chat]... because yesterday was the first day and during the break... i just couldnt bring myself to go up to a random person and say hi .. so i just sat by myself and read my novel. Later on, i realised it probably made me seem quite standoffish which i didnt mean for it to. I need to let go... i think.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 September 2011): "It will happen when you least expect it."I can't tell you how true this is. I was just like you, thinking I was odd, having never been in a relationship, and worrying I'd never find anyone. Then one day I went out to pick up a DVD at the store, and low and behold I met a guy who is now my boyfriend. Completely unplanned and unexpected. You simply cant "plan" to get a boyfriend because you want one. You just need to be ready for when you do.My advice is this:1) Feel good. Dress up, go out, do whatever makes you really happy.2) Go to singles events. And dont go with the intention of meeting your future husband. Go with the intention to have fun. These things never happen like we think. You may go to the event, meet no one, and then strike up a spirited conversation with the parking ticket booth guy. Couples meet in all sorts of ways, life is truly random. 3) Which leads to my next point, put yourself out there constantly. You want to be in all sorts of different social situations so you meet all sorts of guys. Not just dating oriented events but hiking clubs, church clubs, fitness clubs, young adult getaways, you name it...go to make friends, and to laugh, I promise you, you will meet people.4) You sound like a smart young lady. You have your whole life ahead of you! Best of luck.
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A
female
reader, fishdish  +, writes (15 September 2011):
 I would ask your friends why they think this is as they know you and your demeanor better but I would guess it's because you're waiting for it to happen instead of actually making it happen for yourself. How are guys supposed to know you're looking when you look like you're not looking? I think a lot of the hollywood stuff is misleading. It shouldn't always be on the guy to be the aggressor. Step your game up ;)
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