A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I am a little confused about myself sexually. Normally I like women, I find them very pretty and attractive, face, hair and body shape etc the usually heterosexual stuff. I am even shy around women but I find whenever I am aroused, I always end up fantasizing about being with another man, kissing him, having sex (mostly me giving oral to a man which when I am aroused, I really want to do in real life, and not just fantasizing) and even being in a romantic relationship, I have had dreams too and Sometimes I like looking at pics of two men kissing or more etc. Also when I get like that and it may sound strange, but I strongly want or hope to be gay. Thing is I never or rarely fantasize about women, at least like this (but I do find them attractive and did have crushes on girls when I was younger and still now I think but my other desires are stronger) and before I never fantasized about men at all, it is a recent development. I tried looking on the internet for information but its hardly helpful. I know I don't have HOCD because I am very turned by my gay thoughts, not repulsed by them but I don't think I am gay either because I have never felt attracted to men at all when I was growing up, I did kiss a friend when I was sixteen but that was just experimenting thought I admit I did enjoy it a lot and I found it better than when I kissed a girl. Could it be bi-curiosity or latent homosexuality? It seems almost too strong to be mere curiosity, though I am not an expert.These fantasies and desires only began a few years back and I read somewhere that gay or bisexual people discover who they when they are roughly 12 years old and above, they may repress it but they usually feel the attraction to the same sex in their teens and as I said, I never had any attraction or desire to be with a man until now. And like I said above, its usually when I am aroused and when I masturbate and orgasm, it actually goes away and I feel shame, my thoughts go back to "normal" for lack a better would, back to heterosexual basically, however, if I don't masturbate and my arousal lessons or goes away on its own though abstinence, the desires are still there, they only go upon orgasms, this confuses me most. Sometimes these happen without me being aroused prior to it. I have gotten so confused that I have even signed up to dating sites with the intention of meeting other men but I usually end up "snapping" out of it and deleting my profiles. Plus it would be unfair to meet people with the intention of dating if I am unsure about myself. Basically I want to know why I am having strong gay desires, fantasies and dreams when I don't think I am gay or bi.
View related questions:
crush, kissing, orgasm, shy, the internet Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Noidentity. +, writes (22 October 2015):
The original questioner here,and to reply to the answers:@Collegeguy.Its not so much that I regret the feelings after orgasm because before I do hit it, I definitely enjoy the fantasies and look forward to them again, but its like the sexual feelings or thoughts I had about men disappear completely and immediatley after an orgasm and I am left with the feeling of not shame exactly but like I shouldn't be thinking about men, like its not my "normal" thoughts, sort of like "what the hell am I doing?". As I Said in the question, I usually fancy women but these gay thoughts just keep ingup and won't go away until I deal with it so to speak, curious thing too, when I try to go without masterbating for any long periods of time, the gay thoughts actually get stronger to the point I sometimes convince myself I am gay which is usually when I do end up signing up with dating sites. . If I was gay or had true gay or bisexual desires then these should have manifested when I was in my teens like how it normally does with gay men and women nd the same process for straight people when figuring out who you are. These only sprung up in my twenties however.@BrownwolfMaybe but I am not the most social of people to start with.@anonsGood to know I am not the only one.I don't want to go for it until I am sure of who I am because I don't wish to hurt anyone by leading them on.If possible I could use more advice and answers please because this confusion is eating away at me, there is nothing worse than not knowing who you are or at least knowing who you are but being contradicted by thoughts, as I said before, I know its not HOCD because I enjoy these thoughts, not repulsed by them. Its just odd, for the most part I believe I am straight and maybe these feelings are just fuelled by arousal.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 August 2015): I know how you feel, am going through the same feelings,I want to try it, but how do you go about asking another man, if he wants to,it really turns me on, thinking about it, when am having sex with a woman, am thinking about, how much, I would enjoy giving a guy,oral, hope you can try it one day.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 August 2015): I'm the same as you. Go for it and don't let anyone label you. Just be confident and know that it's ok to have those feelings. Acceptance is the first step towards your own discovery.
...............................
A
male
reader, BrownWolf  +, writes (28 August 2015):
"I am even shy around women"
Bet you don't feel shy around men.
It is easy to fantasize with what you are more comfortable with.
...............................
A
male
reader, collegeguy1989  +, writes (28 August 2015):
Honestly I'm at the same level as you. For me, I think it has to do with late experimentation. When I was younger my friend wanted to experiment and even though I wanted to, I was afraid. I liked women but I fantasized about men. Like you, after the orgasm I would regret my feelings. As of now I don't have as much shame now. If the opportunity presented itself, I would take it. In your head, you are becoming less ashamed which is why you fantasize about men. You need to be confident and go with it. You feel shameful after the orgasm because you feel the fantasies are wrong but it's not your fault for feeling that way. It's been taught to us all our lives to be heterosexual. Don't label yourself as gay or bi. Forget about labels and experiment. If you like it then you may be bi but it's up to you to make that label, not us. Maybe you can find someone who is willing to go slow and help you figure that out. If you are confident and know that fantasizing about men is not wrong, then it will be easier for you to figure it out. Curiosity is definitely a factor and there is nothing wrong with that.
...............................
|
