A
female
age
36-40,
*atieHayden
writes:Hi everyone, im not even sure where to start. But ive been dating a guy for 5 weeks, he's really lovely no problems really. He's my boss so it's a little complicated there but we've kept it out of work. I can separate these things pretty well ive had no problems there. Things seem to be going great we seem to be on the same page it's not overly serious as I don't want to rush things.I came out of a long relationship a year ago it had a lot of hurt and I decided to stay single but ive become pretty insecure because of the cheating my ex did and and the emotional harrament.My brother also works with me and is friends with the guy I'm dating and he told me not to get comfortable because he will probably end up dumping me very soon. My brother is known for stirring the pot but I was miserable why would he do this when I finally have a slice of happiness.I asked the guy I'm seeing to come around and see me after he's done with work. Do I ask him if he said these things? I don't want to be lied to or waste his time or mine. I also don't want people involved in my personal relationships. I'm hurt that my own brother would want to hurt me for no reason but I don't know if he's telling the truth but I don't want to stir the pot with this guy either. I like him I like how it's going we have a laugh it's the first time I've connected with someone in a long time. But I'm extremely insecure now I felt fine until my brother said this to me.Please help.
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female
reader, autumnsand +, writes (29 August 2015):
 Hello. I can understand your worries, and I'm sorry your brother made such insensitive comments.I would advise speaking to your brother and asking him why he said what he said. What makes him say this guy will dump you soon? Does he have any evidence? Does this guy have a history of doing such things? What makes your brother say that?If your brother has reasons for making such a statement, I would speak to your partner about them. You don't necessarily need to say that your brother told you such things, but just that you have worries and would like to check things out with him. Give your partner a chance to explain. It could be that your brother has gotten things wrong, or perhaps, for whatever reason, he is just trying to cause problems. So on the one hand, I think it is wise to take into account what people say, as sometimes people can know things about another person that we don't.BUT, at the same time, I think you need to try and focus on reality, on facts, and not on what people say, unless they are able to back up or prove what they are saying. You say that you have been dating this man for five weeks, and that things seem to be going great. I think that sounds really positive! I also think it is sensible how you don't want to rush things.So for now, I think that unless you have solid reason to suspect something is up, you should focus on how well things are going and continue to get to know this man and build up a relationship with him. Challenge your brother with what he said, and be willing to listen if he seems genuine. But if he is just making random negative statements to try and cause problems and cannot back up what he says, then I would try and ignore him and enjoy your relationship. I know it is hard, since you have been hurt before. But things are looking well so far.I hope this helps, good luck.
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