A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm nearly 21. I've never had a boyfriend, and I haven't had so much as a kiss in almost four years. I've went through my degree without going for a single proper night out, and the (very) few times someone's shown interest in me, I feel terrified and freeze them out by avoiding their emails and not returning calls or giving out my number.Most of my friends are in relationships. Some are engaged and some have kids, but I feel like I'm still sitting on the shelf. I don't have male friends and I don't know how to flirt or how to act around men. My friends can be dating more than one guy at a time, and I can't help feeling like there's something wrong with me. It's not like I'm ugly or have bad skin or anything...I'm not going to win any beauty contests, but what's wrong with me?
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engaged, flirt, never had a boyfriend Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Favour1000  +, writes (18 June 2010):
there is more in life for you .
you see the one you looking for is looking for you
you just have to relax and thing will get better =]
A
male
reader, Favour1000 +, writes (18 June 2010):
there is more in life for you .
you see the one you looking for is looking for you
you just have to relax and thing will get better =]
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2008): If you're trying too hard, people notice. Just go out, have fun and if people ask if you have a boyfriend just say no. If you don't make a big deal out of it, no one else will. If it does come up, just be honest, but don't get emotional about it. Also don't talk too long about your history to a guy because it will make you look creepy and clingy. Just go out, have fun, and if something happens, great.
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A
female
reader, pmuj  +, writes (23 October 2008):
I'm 28, never had a boyfriend, never been kissed, never been asked out either! I think I just give off some bad vibes, maybe. I'm not that good socially, especially with guys. I'm don't have strong attraction to people either, which is weird lol. I have low self confidence, and it gets worse as I get older! I always just thought "oh, no guys like me"..."why would someone want to date me?" I'm not ugly (I could be cute, really), slightly overweight, but I lack personality, I guess. So, I'm not beautiful..and I have crappy personality, so it's kind of a double whammy lol. But, I think if I start building confidence and start having or at least showing an interest in guys, I'd probably get a date already.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2008): My life started changing at 21.Before that,guys hardly noticed me,and after that,over the last few years,everything has changed.I suddenly got alot of attention,i was surprised !.Before i was 21,i very rarely went out,and at that age,that's when i started going out more,my appearance had also changed alot from when i was in my teens.However,i changed my appearance because i wanted to,and i now feel more confident because of it.I would say only do that if you really want to,but it isnt necessary.For example,i got my hair cut shorter in a trendy style and dyed it a different colour,started wearing makeup,which i didnt do before,stopped wearing glasses,and i had also filled out more in my figure,but that was due to becoming an adult.Alot of people who knew me when i was at school e.t.c have seen me since and said they didnt even recognize me !.I agree with " saltwater " that no one will notice you if you dont go out to meet them.And it isnt just about looks.If you are friendly,polite,honest and have a good sense of humour ,e.t.c,men are sure to notice you.I know some men prefer brash women,i cant understand why,but you would think they would much prefer,the shy,quiet,friendly type e.t.c as they are the nicer people.Just be yourself and if people cant accept you for who you are,that's their problem.Good luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2008): Hi
Don't worry! there is nothing at all wrong with you. You managed to get your degree without a night out.....i had one to many nights out, while doing mine and it did not bode to well, so look at the positive side of what you have achieved in that study period. I think you should make contact with Naloxone as offered. Just enjoy life and start living now, study time over it's play time, time to relax. Never be scared of taking opportunity!it is wonderful.... only be scared of missing opportunity.
Good Luck and have lots of fun, and never treat fun as hard work.
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A
female
reader, O Connor  +, writes (16 July 2008):
 i agree with naloxone...
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A
male
reader, naloxone  +, writes (16 July 2008):
Hi there. It´s a bit like this. If you´re as pretty and intelligent as you say you are I would love to go out with you because I´ve got the same problem and I´m a 22 year old medical student that is quite good looking (well, I´m not Brad Pitt). The secret most guys hide is fear of rejection. If you´re a catch, most guy´s probably already wrote you off because they think they´re not good enough for you. Guy´s want to be safe, they try to go out with whom there´s least chance of rejection. If you want to attract guys you have to show them that you´re obtainable. However, don´t give yourself away because then they´ll just walk all over you. make sure to stand you´re ground. Show them you´re interested but not desperate. It´s liking fishing for sharks, throw lots of bait in the water but whatever you do don´t jump in yourself. But like I said contact me, maybe we can help each other out.
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A
male
reader, saltwater +, writes (16 July 2008):
 Nothing's wrong with you.
You're only 21...life's not over!
I had a similar experience to you at the start of Uni...I was *very* shy and hardly ever went out. But quickly I realised that you just you have to go out there...whether you're just looking for a good night out or to attract someone.
You could be the most amazing looking girl in the whole world, but if don't go out then no-one is going to notice you! And just be calm if someone shows interest in you.
If you don't change your ways, then your life isn't going to change.
Put yourself out there...don't be shy :-)
And anyway, you don't want to be dealing with pregnany and marriage and having more that one male partner at your age do you...?
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A
male
reader, StudentOfLife  +, writes (16 July 2008):
 Don't worry about it!
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