A
female
age
36-40,
*agitarian_Confusion
writes:Alright, So this one is probably been seen often here but since every situation is different, I thought i'd give it a shot. I've known Max* (name changed of course) for about 5 years now. I've always liked him and even asked him out last year, his reply was that there's to much going on n his life at the moment and that he wouldn't give me the attention I deserve (and as a side note he really did have a lot going on so I understand that) We continued to be friends and I felt comfortable that he knew I liked him. This allowed me to every now and again, flirt to let him know I'm still interested and that I don't mind waiting till his life gets more stable and he feels comfortable enough for a relationship. After about a year of that on a regular hang out day he plants a kiss and we spend the whole day laying in the grass at the park. We didn't talk about it, we kinda just let it happen.The next week we get together and end up having sex, but when all was said and done, we were on our way back to the bus stop from his house and he asks "so... does this mean we're.. uhm..." I cut him off and said"going out?, I dunno, it's up to you." He stopped for a long time, looked at me and said"I don't want to sound wrong. Everything in my life is good, but I just dont know if i'm ready yet. I'm not sure where I am or where i'm headed I'm just kinda floating arround y'know?. I know that I sound like a *__* but i'm honestly not sure. If that makes sense. "So first off NONE of that makes sense. But that's not all. I said "well i've waited this long, I suppose I dont mind waiting a bit longer till you're ready. Since then we've gone on 'dates' like movies, hanging out at his house watching tv, campng ect. And yes ocasionally having sex. Each time we're together (in/out of the bedroom) I see and feel there's something there. He's not as distant as a guy would be if it was just for sex ( I've been there twice). Then again I'm not sure if that's really what it is, or if it's just me wanting this so badly i'm giving myself false hope that there's a chance of something with him. He tells me I'm special and ocassionally apologized that he's so scared of getting into a relationship. But I'm so confused. I'm so happy at the time that I don't care what it is, I'm with him at that moment and thats all that matters. Then I get home and I wrack my brain to peices. Any advice and help would and is greatly welcome.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2008): First of all, please understand that I understand where you're coming from with this. It's not easy to be alone. I really think the biggest question here, though, is not how he feels about you, but how YOU feel about yourself. First of all, why would you be continuing to have a sexual relationship with this man without some type of committment on his part? You know the old saying, "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?" You're giving him no reason to make a committment to you. In fact, you continue to reward his behavior. You're worth so much more than you're allowing him to think. He needs to see you as the wonderful woman you are, not the desparate "I'll-just-take-whatever-he-gives-me" girl you're protraying. You can't control his bahaviro toward you, but you can control your behavior toward him. Dump this guy and give your heart (and energy) to a man who will be ready to have a mutually loving relationship with you.
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