A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I've always had problems socialising and making friends, as in I have no idea how to form relationships. This also means i've never had a girlfriend. I just have no confidence, feel like im imposing myself on people and generally just clueless.I just turned 21 and I feel so sad and lonely I sometimes actually cry. Im starting to become bitter towards everything with a "fuck everything, I dont need anyone" kind of attitude, when I see couples I feel... I feel so many different things I cant put them into words.Making friends is something we learn to do as children but its a skill I never picked up.I feel alone, isolated and im turning into a lonely old man.At 21, is it too late to learn and be loved ?
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female
reader, QuirkLady  +, writes (13 September 2009):
 Pfft, 21 isn't old. You still have milk on your breath.
Anyway, instead of becoming a bitter hater, consider picking up some books and learning some social skills. It's tough at first, because it will feel overwhelming and a bit artificial, but if you keep practicing it will become natural. Then, you'll have some success, people will notice, you'll start feeling better about yourself, and the cycle will repeat until you are doing well. The first step is hard but if you keep it up you will build on your success and things will improve.
I recommend a book called "People Skills." It's been a while since I read it unfortunately so I don't remember the author. You might also try "How to Work A Room" (author's name forgotten again) and "The Rules of Life" and "The Rules of Love", both by Simon Templar. Study active listening - trust me, this is a skill that REALLY WORKS - and how to compliment people. If you make people feel good about themselves when they talk to you, they will gravitate to you. Practice with people at the bus/train stop; no one there is looking for a lengthy conversation anyway so it's great to try things out.
Good luck. Fake it 'til you make it!
A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (13 September 2009):
No at 21 you are SO OLD that you really should be looking into retirement homes.
Are you serious?
You are just depressed. Yes it's hard to make friends. But you have to put some effort in rather than thinking you can't change anything in your life and using that as an excuse to mope about.
Join some clubs, volunteer somewhere, go to salsa dancing, try online dating sites.
Just take a chance and say hi to some one at the bus stop. Talking about the weather has got us Brits into conversations with strangers for the last 200 years, there is no reason why it won't work for you!
Good Luck!! xx
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A
female
reader, HereAreMyTwoCents +, writes (13 September 2009):
 No, not too old at all! You're young. Remember that to get love, you must give love. If you're hurt anyway, leave and go on to the next person. That's basically all that it comes down to. Easy to say, hard to do. Just start, though. The first step is the hardest one.
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