A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:When I was 18yrs old I started college. I met a guy who I thought was great; through mutal friends. At first he acted like he really wanted to get to know me. He would message me all the time and we would always chat online. He messaged me more online..than he called me. But, something that always bothered me was when he would promise to call and never did.We would hang out together and talk..during our convos he would say things that made me think he was interested in building a potential relationship...After 3 months of "talking" the semester was over and he permanatley moved back to his home state. For about a yr and a half we would chat on and off. He went from calling me everyday for 2 weeks to randomly calling every 3-6 months. When he would call; he'd ask for an "update" on my life and asked if I was dating someone and if I was still a virgin. (I had previously told him I was a virgin waiting for marriage).We set a date for him to come back up to meet me so that we could spend time together. Instead he went on a mini vacation with his friends (girls/guys we knew from college) and cancelled on me the night b4 he was supposed to come.....After 2 yrs of not seeing each other...he still would contact me every now and again. (mainly on AIM..he would tell me how much he wished he never left and that he missed me. He would even call me his "wifey" sometimes....I stopped all contact with him for awhile because I was tired of his mixed signals...After about a wk of ignoring him... he sent a message telling me he "never meant to hurt me and that he really did like me alot but it was at the wrong time" ....I got so stressed out and confused to the point where I wished we had never met. I asked God to let me 'get over him' and to let him find another chick so that it would be easier for me to let go....Literally the next day I logged onto FB and it said he was "In a relationship"...He started posting all these lovey dovey statuses (knowing that I had him as a friend)...He didn't give a crap about whether I saw it or not. I was hurt but relieved at the same time. I decided to delete him from all of my accounts and deleted every message and letter he ever sent me. I wanted to erase his memory. So I deleted him and moved on......It's been 2yrs since we spoke and 4yrs since we saw each other. I still think of him every other day (just being honest) and what could have been. It's crazy but I fell in love with someone in a short period of time, we never even kissed.....I care about him but I am over him. Well all of a sudden today I get some random request from him on FB. He is currently in a 2 yr relationship with a girl and they are planning on moving in together and getting married in a couple yrs......Why did he request me as a friend all of a sudden...This makes no sense to me. We are both two different people now and we are not kids anymore. We are practically strangers now.I mean nothing to him so I dont understand why he is requesting me.....I plan on ignoring his request until it disappears
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fell in love, period, still a virgin Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 September 2010): He might have sent a friend request thinking you could just simply be friends on Facebook. He has clearly moved on, and he probably assumes that you have too. He most likely has no idea you still think about him and have feelings towards him.
I think it would be best to refuse the request, and if he sends you any messages asking why, block him. I know that might sound a bit extreme, but you seem to be in so much pain and confusion over this guy. You do NOT need any more pain and confusion added to that. So try and ignore him on there, until he goes away.
It sounds like you have not really fully healed from what happened with this guy. Sometimes we can get a bit "stuck", and it sounds like that has happened to you. I am sorry this is so difficult for you, and I can understand you wondering what might have been, and things like that. You say he is the one who got away...but from reading your question, I actually think it was a good thing that he DID "get away". It doesn't sound to me like he was very good to you a lot of the time. He gave you mixed signals, messed you around, didn't show much commitment, was very unreliable regarding contacting you...I think it was actually a positive thing for you that you ended it. You probably feel that you made a mistake, but I honestly believe you made the RIGHT decision.
I think you need to try and close this situation once and for all. Try and tell yourself that you made the right decision, and that you are going to move on. He is living his life, and you deserve to move on with yours. From reading your question, I think you deserved much better than the way he was treating you. But maybe you don't believe that? You can move on from this guy, but you have to make a firm commitment to yourself that this is what you are going to do.
Again, I am sorry that you are going through so much confusion over this guy, even after all this time. Try and stop focussing on him, and focus on yourself now. You deserve that. There is so much available to you in this life. Once you take your focus away from this guy, you will be able to see those other opportunities and possibilities.
A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (10 September 2010):
 Your title is intersting, it suggest you feel he "got away". Sounds like he was a fish and you a fisher person who really wanted to catch him.
I have heard of fishermen who get fixated on trying to catch a particular wily fish who just refuses to get caught.
Is there any chance you might be fixated? His contacting you occassionally and even calling you "wifey" suggests you werent the only one dangling a good line to see what could be caught.
I think the time has come for you to ask straight out what his game is. Lay it on the line, (sorry there is that word again) ask him what he wants, and why he is requesting you befriend him, if the answer sounds dodgy or too much like yet another line, cut the line and let it go.
There are too many other fish in the sea for you to be wasting your time on this one.
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A
male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (10 September 2010):
 Perhaps he has been feeling the same way about you. Perhaps he too has been thinking about you almost everyday.
Does he have any pictures of him and his new girlfriend/fiancee? I feel that he may still want to be with you, he may still be remembering and wondering what it could have been like with you. Who knows though? What happened could have been a huge mistake or a large blessing. He might be angry, perhaps he is trying to rub it in your face that he has a girlfriend.
Does he talk to you on FB? message you constantly? If he does, I would think that he wanted to rekindle the relationship you had, he might want a second chance.
I hope that helps.
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