A
male
age
36-40,
*nadin
writes:Heya guys and gals, sorry to keep on about my breakup, its been a difficult couple of weeks for me.my parents and sister is away on holiday, so iv got an empty house and a great deal of loneliness, iv not been able to get a great deal of sleep my ex gf who gave me a modified LJBF talk and we are still talking on friendly terms...we had sex just before she went on holiday though, i dont fell regretful of it or that it ruined my chances with her etc. im trying to take time to heal aswell and not just latch onto anyone that gives me attention, which is what i normally find myself doing in the world of relationships, its a difficult habbit to break when my friend keeps sending girls my way to distract me from my ex. my ex/now friend person thingy. has been checking her e-mails while shes been away and she does send me messages saying how horny she is n how she regrets not moving in with me, iv been ignoring these because its some kind of hook for me to keep thinking about her, and she is manipulative and never really respected my feelings or show me that her talking to/seeing her exes is something that i shouldnt worry about (never nurtured my anxieties or made me feel secure in what she did).im still confused though, this was all verbal over the phone and msn breakups - my friend said that screamed lack of respect...yet he never stuck up for me really...she told him that she wasnt making me happy, yet she told me that i wasnt making her happy with my insecurities and demands for her to just keep exes to msn only which is a bit of a mix-up for me and i feel dizzy thinking about it...she always blamed me for playing the victim? maybe somekind of turnaround argument there, she always shut me up then shut me down so i felt emasculated from being able to make the right choice.i would talk to her about a problem, she would shout me down for it, then a month later she would moan at me forthe same problem and tell meto work on making it better...huh? i was an obedient puppy to her i guess, or something to that effect at least...anyway, in an attempt to end my confusion iv sent her an e-mail and asked her to put into writing what she felt went wrong, what i did wrong etc...by the end of the relationship she was just saying that she was only with me for my cock and her fetish with really soft ears.here is the e-mail i sent:"I hope you are having a good holiday :) im certainly jealous lolanyway, im writing this e-mail because im a little confused about what i did wrong...or what you felt you did wrong, so i would like your perspective...take ur time to think about it if u want, i myself would like it in writing...u know what im like, more dense than a plank of wood lol :)i would love to persue a relationship with you again, because i do love you, but i respect your decision to stay friends and realise that i need to let go of the hope that something would be rekindled immediatly...people and circumstances change so you do never know.back to the topic at hand, please could i have a list of things that i did wrong and things that you feel you did wrong so that i can reflect on it and make sure i learn from my mistakes, im a little bit mixed up and unsure of what exactly was wrong...cant wait to see the photos when you come back :) would you like me to pop round after work when ur back so you can tell me what you did? x "have i done the right thing? am i doing the right thing, where do i go from here? i know i will find it difficult to say no to her if she comes back from holiday and says she wants to be with me again...i will post her reply when/if she does so you guys have a good understanding of whats going on and we are working from completly the same page....i feelvery mindfucked right now and i dont like it. some background information:http://www.dearcupid.org/question/i-want-her-back-and-this-makes-me.htmlhttp://www.dearcupid.org/question/we-split-because-she-said-we-didnt-do.htmlhttp://www.dearcupid.org/question/she-says-were-not-having-enough-fun.htmlhttp://www.dearcupid.org/question/help-with-hot-and-cold-confusion.htmli hope this helps
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ex girlfriend, her ex, horny, jealous, msn, my ex, on holiday Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Anadin +, writes (15 October 2010):
Anadin is verified as being by the original poster of the question hiya thank you for your reply
she did reply with:
"I'm not listing anything. I am not going to create anymore bad feelings between us, because I would like us to remain friends. You are welcome to pop in after work, maybe we can play some pool or something.
Hope the weather's not too bad at home :P
take care"
so hopefully she means it...i guess time will tell :)
A
female
reader, Maria-consuela  +, writes (14 October 2010):
 Honestly, I feel like she may be leading you on. The fact that she contacts you intermittently when she needs something, wants something or craves validation isn't a good sign.
Asking her what you did wrong might be difficult for her to quantify if your errors were fabricated by her to justify the break up, or if they don't exist at all.
Ultimately, giving her one more oppurtunity to bash you or be critical is probably a bad idea. I don't think you'll get closure, or answers, I think you may reopen old wounds.
The email is already sent, so looking forward you might want to dissolve contact for awhile.
Don't ask yourself what you did wrong, ask yourself what you can do moving forward. She had alot of power in your relationship, and now it seems she still retains that power post-break up.
There are many girls/women that will be available to you for years to come. Don't waste time on an old relationship that is so heavily soiled by pain and frustration.
Hopefully this helps.:)
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