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female
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anonymous
writes:When I was younger (Im now 27), I had really low self esteem and a drug problem. When I started a relationship with a guy, it would always end badly because I would become clingy or too much for them. I could not deal with this rejection and on 2 occasions with 2 separate guys I faked pregnancy and abortions. I know that this is disgusting. I am so ashamed of myself and have come so close to telling both men the truth, but I cant. I am now a mother of a beautiful baby boy. I am nothing like how I was back then. I so deeply regret what Ive done and it plays on my mind all day every day. I cannot bear the thought of these 2 men thinking that I was ever pregnant by them, or worse telling people I was. They both have girlfriends now and it hurts cos I know they just think of me as 'that crazy girl that got pregnant - what a lucky escape I had'. I just wish more than anything that I had not told lies. If I come clean and tell the truth, they will think Im insane. I dont know how to live with myself, how to move on and stop thinking about it. Im constantly worried about people finding out like my parents, or the 2 men telling each other because they know each other. I dont know what to do. And I know this is all my own fault.
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female
reader, lovesky  +, writes (21 April 2011):
I think you are being too hard on yourself. Not to say what was done wasnt wrong, but I think you would do more harm than good to enter back into their lives. You are going to have to forgive yourself. You recognize it was wrong and found the strength to get off drugs and have a productive life. It was the past and you cannot undo. Just focus on being a thruthful person now and being a great mom....Maybe you might want to seek some help on how to forgive yourself and live the rest of your not beatin yourself up.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 September 2010): The first answer is right on target, except I'd not agree with the use of the word "silly", no offense to them though. There is a reason for this.When you have drug or psychological problems, and you hurt other people, you have to work your way out of it in order to understand yourself first. Usually people have these issues for life reasons that they keep well buried and don't expose to those that they hurt.Once you have done that, begun to work on yourself to understand and improve, you can begin to heal and to forgive yourself, and to actually understand the hurt and damage that you have done to others.Only when you have reached that level of understanding, can you truly apologize to the others that you have hurt.You may get rejected, people may call you names, but more likely than not people will eventually understand that you were troubled, in pain, and need forgiveness.It sounds like you are ready for the next to final act.Go, apologize, ask forgiveness from the bottom of your heart, and let them know how much you have changed and how much you regret all the pain you have caused others.Then, the final act is yours.Live your life free from the past, love that child of yours with all your heart, and teach them and those that follow well.May you be blessed with the understanding of those you have hurt.
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2010): dont tell them... its not like you commited a crime, you were young. we all made mistakes! Its in the past now.
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female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (28 September 2010):
 That's a lovely answer.
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female
reader, petina1 +, writes (28 September 2010):
 You've only grown up and matured and now letting the silly mistakes of your youth prey on your mind. To be able to move on you need to tackle each guy and let them know what you put them through. Hopefully they will understand now that they are all grown up and mature. We all do silly things when we are young and we all regret things. I have gone over many of my past mistakes with people I have hurt and they have forgiven me because we are at the stage in our life where they too have made mistakes, it's all part of growing up. Having children can make people put their life in to some kind of order and wanting the best upbringing for them and being able to be an excellent roll model means ironing out some of our rubbish. You may have been wanting attention and could only think of those reasons to get it. Just be honest now in how you tackle it and then you can move on and your beautiful boy will see what a wonderful mother he has.. Good Luck, Hope this helps!
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