A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi there,I'm a young woman, I look feminine and pretty, in a girl-next-door way. Everyone who doesn't know better is mistaking me for "straight". But I've got a secret, and I don't know who to talk to.I'm known to be bisexual, but if I am really honest, I think I'm not even a bisexual, I'm something.. uhm.. well, am I pervert?Since I was a teenage girl, I've always been strongly fascinated by crossdressers and transsexual (male to female) people. I've been single for some time now, and my friends suggest I go dating again. But I'm not interested in any available girl or guy. And I am truly ashamed. I just wish to date someone who is a crossdresser or transsexual (and of course, has a matching personality and some things in common with me..).I'm not ashamed because I like crossdressing or transsexual people. I don't think anything is wrong with them. To me they are the most beautiful people in the world. I just think they could find it insulting that I'm attracted to them, and dislike me.I don't think that a transsexual person would appreciate my "sexual orientation" or whatever this is.. because a transsexual person might want to be aknowledged as a "normal" woman. And that means she might want to be accepted by a heterosexual man as a straight partner. Not by a bisexual woman as their queer partner. And as for a crossdresser, yes, maybe someone might accept my whatever (kink? fetish? orientation?), but I don't actually know if I can accept myself. I've been brought up quite conservative and although I managed to accept being bisexual, this topic is even more difficult to me. And since I can't accept myself, maybe I'd be hurting someone who'd be dating me. I'm so messed up. I don't know what to do. I can't make this go away. And I don't feel like anyone understands me. I'm afraid to bore you people by writing too much but I feel like I can't fully explain myself or justify myself in a 1000 words.I am looking for love, despite what I write looks like I'm just some odd kind of fetishist. It's just that I love this "feminine side in a male body" so much it hurts. I feel like this is the complementary thing to what I am, although I don't know what that would be. I look and act like a straight girl so much it even fools me.I hope this is making sense. Please help me out here. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, circusfreak  +, writes (16 November 2012):
I think its normal, sometimes I catch myself being attracted to very butch masculine acting/looking women like butch, studs, ags, bulldaggers, dykes etc,,like if they're cute n look like guys. It drives me crazy like i love ftm transsexuals if of course they're hot n look like men.I myself am a bisexual, cross-dresser, drag queen, tranny believe it or not, but yeah its not insulting, we are still men at the end of the day. Your attraction as well as mine I'm sure is normal.
A
male
reader, tiffanytg +, writes (23 September 2012):
your questions particularly interest me.
I am a crossdresser because I love, worship and adore femininity. I have no desire to be for a man. I would LOVE a " lesbian oriented" relationship with a delicately feminine woman. IS THAT WEIRD?
I DO NOT FEEL AS THOUGH IT IS. Obviously not mainstream, nothing about me is.
Your questions only reinforce my desires motivation.
I thank you for your unwitting inspiration to expand and continue my quest.
thank you sooo very much.
tiffany tg
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A
male
reader, Stephannigirl +, writes (12 November 2011):
well , i have the same problem except, the other way !! im a male to female cross dresser, well may be more than that, im a passable female when out dressed im thin and beautiful, as im told. I do have my guy modes as well.Any way im looking for a girl who understands me and it seems that none of them are interested in dating a person like me.should i give up my girl dressing and focas more on being the boy so i can hav the girl of my dreams ??
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A
female
reader, Destinic +, writes (23 December 2010):
Hey was just browsing the net and came across this post. I am a bisexual female and I have now been dating a male to female transexual for about 9 months now. I think its the best relationship I have ever been in. Something about her fem. personality drove me crazy. We never fight because she understands me, but also has just enough knowledge about being a man to make me feel secure and protected. She is the greatest thing to ever happen to me. I would say go with what your heart wants and dont worry about society.
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A
male
reader, 0neprettysweettv +, writes (12 November 2010):
Wow! You could be my soulmate. I've been an intense and frequently crossdressing transvestite all my life. I am just now starting the M to F transition. You and I might have some eal potential!
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A
female
reader, LLindy87 +, writes (30 September 2010):
 I know it doesn't say you're from america, but in america, atleast where I live there is a place called LGBT and its an organization specifically for lesbians, gays, bisexuals and transexuals/transgenders.
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A
female
reader, Gabrielle Stoker +, writes (29 September 2010):
 Berlin, eh? I wasn't aware of there being a strong tranny scene in Berlin. Rio and Bangkok/Pattaya I knew about (and want to visit so desperately).
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionDear Lindy, heartfullalove, Gabrielle and the two anonymous writers,
thank you so much for your answers - I don't know if you realise what a relief your answers have been to me. I didn't feel strange and misunderstood for once and that's so helpful.
@Llindy and anonymous: I think I'm rather attracted to male-to-female transsexuals. I don't know why I thought people would feel insulted.. well, I guess it comes from the time when I was doing gender studies and met a lot of people in the gay/lesbian "community" who were quite intolerant towards me. I don't know where I'd meet people that I might be attracted to, there's no club or event I can think of, really. There's gay/lesbian parties, but there are no bisexuals /crossdressers/ transsexuals. And there are kinky/fetish parties, but that's very dark and goth and BDSM. I don't feel like I belong anywhere, actually. Maybe I just have to leave this place. Or stick to the internet..
@heartfullalove: thanks for you nice post - yes, maybe I should give Berlin a try :) I live in a rather dull part of germany and sometimes I feel like E.T. who wants to call his mother planet. Good luck with your adventures and the settling down afterwards;) Baci
Hugs to y'all.
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A
female
reader, Gabrielle Stoker +, writes (29 September 2010):
It's very normal. In fact I'm terribly attracted to them myself (though in a purely sexual way) though I've never been with one. All that I've heard however leads me to believe that transexuals would love to attract a woman and further that they come in all orientations. Cross-dressers, on the other hand, are perfectly capable of forming strong hetero relationships.
Don't get down on yourself - you are not at ALL abnormal in your desires.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2010): You do realise this is totally normal. I ask my husban to wear womens clothes before I take them off him. A lot of women do it, my husband had been asked to do it before we got together and I posted a question about it on here a while ago and saw that guys on here had done it as well.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2010): You're also not alone. Although I've settled down with a straight guy who doesn't cross dress or anything (well he does shave his armpits...), I do find cross dressers attractive. I like men with long hair and shaved legs/chest/armpits, and I love it when men wear makeup and tight girls' tops. I used to be a bit worried by this and thought it was freaky, but I don't anymore. I hate to define sexuality - this person is straight, this one is gay and this one bi. Because you like what you like, and often that goes outside these three restrictive boundaries.
I knew someone who was a male-to-female transsexual. And they were attracted to straight women. Like I say, you can't define someone's sexuality - some transsexuals will be attracted to women, some to men, some to both ... whatever. But even if they aren't attracted to women, I certainly don't think they'd be offended that you're attracted to them. As someone's already said, it's a compliment. I bet a lot of transsexuals worry about not being attractive, so it would be refreshing if nothing else to know someone feels different.
I don't know what to suggest to help you 'accept yourself' - that really is up to you. All I can say is that you're not alone in being attracted to effeminate/crossdressing/transsexual men and it's not anything to be ashamed of. The way you've been brought up can only take you so far ... now that you're an adult, you're your own person, and you can explore yourself in the way that you want to live.
So if you're looking for love, get out there and meet someone. Are there clubs for transsexuals / cross dressers that you could go to? I hope you find what you're looking for =)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2010): Your post was really sweet! I can guarantee you that no level-headed tranny would find it 'insulting' that anyone finds them attractive, and anyone who does isn't worth worrying about.
You say 'I don't think that a transsexual person would appreciate my "sexual orientation" or whatever this is'...
trust me, trannies are more aware than most of how complex, fluid and multi-coloured human sexuality is.
and you're worried that 'a transsexual person might want to be aknowledged as a "normal" woman. And that means she might want to be accepted by a heterosexual man as a straight partner.'
There are straight trannies, gay trannies, bisexual trannies. I love heterosexual men and would eventually love to settle down with one as a regular couple (once I get all my adventurousness out of my system, lol) but the catch here is that a TRULY heterosexual man isn't interested in guys, so if a straight man has a sexual encounter with someone like me who hasn't had the operation and has no intention of getting the operation, it begs one obvious question: he can't really be all that straight, can he? And there are lots of tranny guys who will be receptive to a female's advances, I have been known to find women attractive and gone well beyond the pats-on-the-head, arm-on-the-shoulder thing into real intimacy.
You are NOT a pervert, you're you, your desire is perfectly healthy and beautiful, and please don't listen to anyone who tells you otherwise.
And you live in Germany - I hear Berlin is a bit of a paradise for inbetweenies, I hope to find out all about it some day soon!!
Good luck!!
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A
female
reader, LLindy87 +, writes (28 September 2010):
I don't think that would be insulting at all...why would you being attracted insult anyone?
being attracted to someone is flattering, even if they don't feel the same way.
Some might be into a straight man, straight woman and want to be seen as a normal woman or man.
Are you more attracted to a man becoming a woman or a woman becoming a man? if you're attracted to a man becoming a woman you would need to hope that they are attracted to women in order to fall in love with you. if you are attracted to a woman becoming a man then you also need to hope that they are attracted to women as well.
You don't sound like a pervert btw, you sound like you are attracted to crossdressers and to each their own.
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