A
female
age
51-59,
*oriewilliams
writes:I am a 39yr white female. I married a 46yr black male. This is the first time that I have ever stepped out of my race. Governor and I got together on 09/20/09 We got married 05/24/10. Prior to marriage, he and I had a wonderful relationship. After we got married EVERYTHING CHANGED. I am constantly accused of cheating on him. Accused of checking people out, just because I pay atenchion to my surroundings. So far I have been accused of male/female/ oh and my pit bull. Ya, you heard me, I was accused of having sex with my DOG. Is he cheating on me? ACTIONS SPEEK LOUDER THEN WORDS, I need to pay attenchion to what I already know.Will my husband ever change? Will he ever TRUST ME? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (25 October 2010):
 Why did he marry you if he just was going to not trust you?
So, this stuff never came out before? Were you able to ignore it in the past?
The thing is, if you're innocent, and they still accuse you, then you don't have much to use to prove your innocence. That's because "the absence of proof isn't the proof of absence." It's a horrible logic circle that will prevent you from ever being happy.
Your husband has to want to change in order for him to change. Why is he questioning your fidelity? It is possible he's transferring his guilt to you, so do you have any evidence he may be cheating?
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2010): I think there are several potential issues here. You have hi-lighted the first, by wondering if he is the one doing the cheating.
I'd say that this is a possibility, & that as he seems to be quite the charmer,(Noting the speed that you two took to get from day 1, to the big day) he does know how to 'wow' the galz, to some degree. Still, this wouldn't justify his actions, if he has fallen prey to temptation generated, or received.
Paranoia builds deeply & sharply when you are the cheater, especially if it is the 1st time ever done, or the 1st time in the latest relationship. You question your partner & question yourself & realise that for those moments of illicit pleasure, you open up yourself to a world of hurt, not only outside, but internally. You feel that if that you are capable of cheating, then your partner is too. When he questions you, he is really questioning himself, & trying to release some of his internal guilt.
If he is cheating, then his outbursts surely seem like reactions to his actions. You will need to do some discreet detective work, as he seems misguided at the moment, & a little unhinged through his questions to you. He may watch your moves through his paranoia, so be careful, & act normally.
The 2nd issue could be, that he may have grown up in a controlled family environment. That his own father, & other prominent male figures in his life, ran the house with a rod of iron. Charming & confident when out & about, but in the household, controlling, mean, formidable. Maybe his father or one of said male figures were in a relationship where they were cheated on, maybe he witnessed this & his outbursts stem from fear of the same thing.
You will need to talk to him about this, in order to get him to open up to not going through life with these dark fears, & so that you don't have to go through what you are going through now, for years to come.
Good luck!
Stan
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A
male
reader, gigolojone  +, writes (25 October 2010):
 Looks like he is listening to so many people's talk that he forgets to trust you. Someone must be feeding him with all this crap.
He better be a real man and stand by wife wife.
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