A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I work at a army base and i met my boyfriend there.Everything is lovely between us and i really do love him. But he has been posted to a new base and i am missing him so much. We talk every day, but i just want to see him. How do you cope? I know it's good to keep busy and make sure you see your friends,etc but i can see this being very hard. I do want to try and put the effort into our relationship, but i want to feel happy at the same time. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (30 September 2011):
Hi there. It's going to be very lonely and challenging, trying to cope with it.
There's no pretending here. You've pretty much got an idea of how it's going to be longterm.
When you say you work at an Army base, are you a soldier or are you working there as a civilian?
As I remember, postings are often for about 2 years. Is that still the case?
How far are we talking about here? Is it a drive of about 1-2 hours, or is it several hours drive apart?
The main thing is that there is some possibility of being able to see each other - perhaps fortnightly, or even monthly - which will help tremendously in keeping things running smoothly.
Phone calls, texts, emails, are ok and certainly better than nothing at all. However, over time you do run out of things to talk about and can get easily annoyed by something the other one says.
And of course especially with texts or emails - if that's what you are doing - there is so much room for misinterpretations, because of the natural tendency to abbreviate. So quite often, things are left unsaid. Hence, the misunderstandings.
When you say you are "talking" each day, I am hoping that you mean on the telephone. Because a proper conversation on the telephone is the next best thing to seeing each other in person.
Perhaps to break up the monotony of phone calls every single day, maybe you could talk every second day - that way you will have more to talk about. Or even every three days.
You could suggest this to him and say why, so he doesn't get offended and see it as a rejection.
For any relationship to survive, it's vital that you can see each other on a regular basis. Otherwise, it's just too lonely.
So what you now need to work out - with him - is, how often you can actually see each other. Realistically. This depends entirely on how great a distance it is between you.
As I was saying, 1-2 hours is a very short distance, and is something that could be a weekend together. Taking it in turns, to be fair.
Even 3 hours is not too bad, although a bit longer than a weekend - say 3 days or 4 days together to make it worthwhile.
Naturally, it all depends on the landscape the drive is to get there, will come into it. If it's flat country, then it might not be too harrowing.
Flying could make it expensive, if it's a very long distance.
Just some things for you to consider, if you wish to continue with it.
The main thing is find a way to make it happen.
So rehashing what I just said before, things to consider are:-
(1) The distance between you (how long does it take to drive there?)
(2) The landscape (mountains, flat, heavy traffic).
(3) Whether to drive or fly.
(4) Cost effectiveness of getting there - drive versus fly.
(5) Frequency of being able to do the trip.
(6) Taking it in turns to see the other. He goes to you on one visit - you go to him on the next visit.
Another possibility is, could you both meet half way? What that would mean is, a 6 hour journey would become 3 hours for both of you. You would have to organise a place to stay for the days you both have off. Say a motel. You are only there to sleep, after all. A place to put your stuff while you go out and about together.
Keep it in mind anyway.
Really, the only limit is your imagination. If you want to make it happen, I believe you will. No doubt about it.
In any case, it's something that definitely needs to be discussed - sooner rather than later.
Don't delay it any longer.
Especially, as it's still in the early stages of the relationship.
Do whatever it takes. Good luck and best wishes.
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