A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My problem is rather complex. For the last three years I have been in a relationship with this guy whom I love very much.We dated for 5 months but I broke up with him because I was young and felt I wanted to experience life. He took it pretty hard and tried to talk me out of it but my mind was set.4 months afterwards I still had intense feelings for him and suggested that we got back together. Though hesitant at first he admitted that he still loves me and we got back together and went out for a year and 3 months. Everything was fine (though I did make a lot of compromises I wasn't comfortable with), but then I enlisted in the army (it's mandatory in Israel). This guy is a year younger then me so he was still not enlisted. I got into a pretty prestigious course in the army and only got time off once every two weeks, and also my phone time was extremely limited. My boyfriend couldn't handle it, got extremely jealous and needy and could not understand the position I'm in, he was completely unsupportive and unhelpful and made the beginning of my army service miserable. I decided to end things since I felt like, while I do love him, we are both in two very different places and we'd be better off alone, without the constant arguing and crying. We broke up but still kept in touce, talking now and then and even meeting up twice or so. By now he had already been enlisted in the army and told me he knew how wrong he was and how much harder he made the army for me, and how he made all these mistakes in our relationship and that he'd learned from them. 6 months after we broke up he asked to meet me for drinks, so we met and one thing led to another, and we ended up sleeping together. He told me that he still loved me and indeed I still loved him. He asked me to give us another chance and said he'd learned from his mistakes. I agreed to give him a chance. Ever since we got back together I feel he's somewhat distant, keeps trying to make me jeakous and doesn't really let me back into his life. He has a lot of female friends he keeps telling me about and it bothers me. He keeps making me feel like I have to prove myself to him, even though he's the one who wanted to get back together and make things right. I love him to death but I don't know what to do-I feel like I'm trapped in a realtionship where I'm not appreciated and not really loved. What am I supposed to do?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2011): Thank you all so much for replying!
I have to say that I agree with every single word that you was written. We just had a huge fight over the fact that he doesn't treat me right, he actually admitted that he's not even sure he want to be with me, and that makes it a complete waste of my time. I do deserve better and you helped me come to terms with that. You have no idea how much you've helped me; you managed to put a smile on my tear-streaked face :)
Thank you!!!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2011): OP it's the same shit with this guy over and over, and it always will be.
How many times are you going to keep doing this with him until you realize this is just who he is. He's jealous, insecure, possessive, prone to tantrums and he just plain and simply is not relationship material at all.
Some people are just not made for relationships OP, they just don't work for that person. He could just be one of those people or it could be that you and he are just completely incompatible and fighting against that constantly hoping it will work.
You and he just do not work at all, life keeps throwing up very small challenges at you both and you never make it through them. OP those were minor challenges too.
Now he's acting like a child and punishing you for breaking up with him last time. He's only really back with you to prove a point and punish you.
Time to move on and find a man who is more mature and more well suited to having a relationship with. No matter how much this guy changes OP once you and he get back together it will always turn to shit because you're just not compatible and it doesn't matter how much you love each other you just can't make that happen.
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A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (4 May 2011):
 GET OUT NOW.
You aren't married and you don't have children yet; get out before you CAN'T leave. He is obviously NOT over the fact that you hurt him and STILL trying to get back his pound of flesh; that's not love - that's abuse. There is something very sinister about his controlling behavior. I think this is more about his ego than love for you; which is heading into extremely narcissistic territory.
Love is and equal partnership. This isn't going to improve and there isn't anything that you can do to change him; you can only change yourself and your own mind about how you wish to be treated and loved. You deserve so much better than this. Love doesn't hold grudges, love doesn't act jealous and love doesn't try to extract revenge.
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