A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:H everyone! So I'm dating someone in the army for almost a year although we've known each other for years. He's based in Hawaii while I live in Illinois. We're vey much in love and I know this is the man I'm going to marry. He has three years left to serve and though we are fully committed to each other, it's getting really hard to be away from each other and he has brought up the subject of me moving there many times (and getting married to do so). I'm a hair colorist and it would be hard to build clientele and then move back home after his three years are over and then have to start over again trying to find clients. And I would obviously be leaving friends and family here who I would miss dearly. But this is a once in a lifetime deal and it would be an experience to live somewhere else (especially hawaii!) and I would be with the love of my life. But this would be life changing and what would I do for a career? I love what I do (I would also have to get a license through Hawaii if I still did hair). Opinions? I'm torn between staying and leaving! Reply to this Question
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (19 March 2013):
 Let me start by telling you something you don't want to hear. You do not know that this is the man you are going to marry. All you know is that right now, you want to marry him. You don't know how he feels about the matter when it all comes down to it, and you don't know what will happen in the future. You're not a fortune teller.
Knowing this... that you DON'T know the future, it is really risky business leaving everything you've got going on for a man. Think of it, you're thinking about leaving friends, family, work, all the things that can give you security, all the people who can help you, for a man.
I'm strongly against women dropping everything to be with their man. Why should you make all the sacrifices? It is the exact same for you to move there, as it is for him to move to you. You aren't guranteed to be able to find work in this new place, and you lose your current job, and you might lose your career (what if you can't get that license etc). While your man stays put in his career, has the income, has the stability... he is asking you to give it all up. Why shouldn't HE give it all up for you? Just saying.. This is an example of how different it still is between men and women. Men have their careers and women are expected to just drop everything, get married, and be stay at home mums. That's the path you're heading towards anyway.
And, not knowing the future, it is foolish to give up everything. He needs to marry you first if you were to move, so that IF you can't find work he'll be obligated to care for you and provide for you. You need some form of security. If you are to lose your income you need him as a provider. That's for sure. And then if you break up, you will be much better off if you were married, than if you weren't married and he broke up with you... That'd leave you on rock bottom. Don't put yourself in such a bad situation. Look after yourself and your own interests, because when it all comes down to it, relationships do end! And there are no guarantees that your relationship will last. So don't throw away all opportunities to get by by yourself.
Another thing, isn't it a bit rushed to be married this young? He's been away for quite some time too, who's to say things will go smoothly once you're back together in the same city?
I think, rather than marry etc, how about you take one step first? You find out if you can get a license in Hawaii. Start looking up business opportunities there. If not in the city he lives in, then a nearby one so you will still get to see each other. But make sure YOU have something to fall back on, so that you don't give up all of your dreams for someone else. You'll just end up resenting him for making you give up your life if you drop everything... You wont resent him now, but in the years to come it will be a burden on your shoulders.
A
female
reader, AprilMay1235 +, writes (19 March 2013):
 Hey! I too am an Army girlfriend and proud 3! i know exactly how you feel. it hurts to be away from them. My boyfriend and I have been together for two years now. He has 4 years left. I would stay i mean, hair is something you love but he's the love of your life and you can always come back. I mean home is where your heart is and if you truly love him then your heart is with him. You could have a beautiful life with him and i'm sure with all the tourist in Hawaii there are plenty of people getting their hair done. Overall it's your decision but i would stay i mean your in love that may only happen once in a lifetime!
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A
female
reader, Red591 +, writes (19 March 2013):
 RISK is a hell of a thing. Go= chance at love and new life but risks losing career and romance not working out which leaves you as the one screwed overStay= career is fine and life stable but possibly ruining chance at real loveLife is a sucky mean little brat. You must decide which decision has the most importance in its possible outcome to your life
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (19 March 2013):
Go or things may not last that long. One year into four years apart and you're having problems.
Yes it'd be a pain and set things back career wise, but fortunately he should be in a position to help you pay the bills while you get things sorted out. Maybe you guys will decide to stay there, who knows?
Even if you don't and you have to rebuild your clients isn't that worth being with him?
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